Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Hatchet Vs. Beneath The Planet Of The Apes


* = Truly something this "Kurt Russell" needs no introduction...

Three times in a week? I know what you’re saying, “…this is just a shameless attempt to prove Heidi wrong…” And you’d be right, EXCEPT I wrote yesterday with cause, and today I write with no less a cause, just far more noble. Last night I was feeling quiet low. The events of not only yesterday, but 2011 in general have conspired to make it one of the most shit-tastic four month runs that I can remember. I jokingly told Cassandra that I kept waiting to find out that I now have Cancer or something, while it’s not funny, in a way it’s sort of how I feel. This year I’ve lost my dad, fought with my best pal, got humiliated on a podcast, had money issues, biffed it hardcore on the drive-way, been sick a few times, my job has been kicking my ass, etc. It just has been non-stop, non-stop suck.

The thing is though there have been some good things; Mike being happy, D&D, the success of the Swayze-A-Thon ’11, reading, more Marvel SAGA, Mason, painting minis, working on the basement, but maybe more than anything sans Cassandra has been The Fairly Secret Army. It’s no news to anyone but I’m a shill for the work of my friends. I can’t help it. It’s inspiring to see people you know not only make something, but create something. It’s even more amazing when it’s something incredible.

The first The Fairly Secret Army cd, ‘Keep It Secret, Keep It Safe’, really was something nice to lean on when things sort of felt like warm diarrhea in a Dixie cup. I knew that Dave & Greg being the prolific musical geniuses they are where hard at work on cd #2, ‘We Miss The Cold War’, but I had no idea just how much they had done. Last night I basically begged and cajoled Dave into letting me hear the unfinished version of the third track ‘Worms Of The Earth’.

Now as I stated in previous blogs, yesterday in fact, part of the reason is Dave allowed me to help with the lyrics, the other part was that it’s a fucking M-E-T-A-L take on Robert E. Howard’s Bran Mak Morn tale ‘Worms of the Earth’, which as I’ve stated ad nausea is my favorite Howard story.


Dave sent me the tune last night and as per usual I was floored. I think I might be a tad more floored though because I ‘helped’. That’s an odd sensation for me. I know I help a lot of folks do a lot of things, hell it’s basically what I get paid for, but I don’t contribute anything artistic to the world. I’ve never made anything that in my opinion has meaning to anyone other than me. There is no undeniable stamp I’ve left on the world, a lot of time it feels like I could disappear from the world at any moment and besides those in my small little world no one would care or miss me. Being a part of a creative process, and then seeing it come to fruition, and not just that but seeing it flourish beneath the fostering hands of two people who are WAY more talented than I is really cool.

Oh, and the song is incredible. There is a section towards the back third where Greg lays down some truly ‘tatty’ bass. Dave took the lyrics I wrote and like a smith on a forge hammered them into glorious STEEL!

Last night we could only both describe the song with two phrases, “Majestic” & “Kurt Russell”, I think it does both of them justice. It’s as if Ronnie James Dio was fronting a Black Metal Prog band circa 1978, whilst riding on a Pegasus, fighting a demon riding on a dragon made of lightening, and belting out metal. It truly brings some joy to my sullen soul.


Oh and while I know that hyperbole is something that I do a lot, and that I’m sure you who read this pointless crap are shaking your heads, let me just say that as much as I love some of his other stuff THIS is my favorite Dave tune.

At least until I hear the next one…

RANDOM CRAP!

- It feels good to be a little positive after yesterday’s tirade. I will say that having some good pizza from Sarpino’s, and especially since we got buy 1 get one free, lightened my mood considerably last night. Oh that and American Dad, I love(s) me some Stan Smith.
- Fuck Chopped All-Stars. That shit was RIGGED!
- I still have not painted this week. I’m going to have to lean on Cassandra heavily to actually meet my goal of 10 this week. See sweetie, this is me publicly begging…
- I’m tempted to call for an Emergency Movie-A-Thon this weekend, but I don’t think it would work, so I’m going to leave it alone. I mean I could put out the ‘vibe’ to Dave & Mike that we should watch a bunch of Planet Of The Apes flicks, but I think I’ll just wait until things are a bit more settled for everyone.
- The Mohawk needs a trim something fierce.
- Monday night we grilled some baby red potatoes in packets, and then tossed them in the grill pan I have, and finally finished them with a little butter on the stove top with Parmesan cheese. They were amazing; in fact I’m hungry for them right now.
- I’m through the first two books of Mathias Thullman, Witch Hunter Omnibus. The short tales were damn entertaining, the first ‘book’ was just ok, but the second book was crazy! It took a lot of plot threads and tied them into an insane climax, which also had the highlight of the book when the titular character’s unscrupulous henchman not only did something insanely funny, but the line attached actually made me laugh out loud. I wasn’t expecting a whole lot out of this omnibus, but what I’ve got was the author channeling his best Peter Cushing from the Hammer flicks in the middle of the Warhammer Fantasy World.

I’m sure there are more things that I have/had on my mind I just can’t for the life of me think of any of them right now…

“Such a pleasure to come home
Cuz I...I have a very special love for this city

Well all right, well okay
Well all right

Well all right, well okay
Well all right

Well all right, well okay
Well all right

I wanted to make a song about where I'm from
You know? Big up my home town, my territory, my state
But, I couldn't figure out much to brag about
Prince lives here, we got 10,000 lakes
But wait, the women are beautiful, to me they are
And we're not infested with pretentious movie stars
And it hit me, Minnesota is dope
If only simply for not what we have but what we don't
It's all fair, it ain't out there, it's in there
It's in the mirror, behind the breast under the hair
Follow the dream doesn't mean leave the love
Roam if you must, but come home when you've seen enough
I love New York and Cali, but I ain't movin'
Too overpopulated saturated with humans
And I'm not big on rappers, actors, or models
If I had to dip, I'd probably skip to Chicago
None of this is to diss no one, nowhere
Like damn, I'm from Minnesota, land of the cold air
Too many mosquitoes and our fair share of egos
But like my man Sabe says, that's where my mommy stays

So if the people laugh and giggle when you tell em where you live
Say shhh, say shhh
And if you know this is where you wanna raise your kids
Say shhh, say shhh
If you're from the Midwest and it doesn't matter where
Say shhh, say shhh
If you can drink tap water and breathe the air
Say shhh, say shhh

Got trees and vegetation in the city I stay
The rent's in the mail and I can always find a parking space
The women outnumber the men two to one
Got parks and zoos and things to do with my son
The nightlife ain't all that, but that's okay
I don't need to be distracted by the devil every day
And the jobs ain't really too hard to find
In fact, you could have mine if you knew how to rhyme
This is for everyone around the planet
That wishes they were from somewhere other than where they standin'
Don't take it for granted, instead take a look around
Quit complaining and build something on that ground
Plant something on that ground, dance and sleep on that ground
Get on your hands and knees and watch the ants walk around
That ground Make a family, make magic, make a mess
Take the stress, feel your motivation and build your nest
It sucks that you think where I'm from is wack
But as long as that's enough to keep your ass from coming back
And with a smile and a hint of sarcasm, he said
"I beg your pardon but this is my secret garden"

All right
(In the land of ice and snow)
Well okay
(In the land of ice and snow)
Well all right
(In the land of ice and snow)
Well okay
(Minneapolis, Minneapolis, Minneapolis, Minneapolis)

So if the people laugh and giggle when you tell em where you live
Say shhh, say shhh
And if you know this is where you wanna raise your kids
Say shhh, say shhh
If you're from the Midwest and it doesn't matter where
Say shhh, say shhh
If you can drink tap water and breathe the air
Say shhh, say shhh

If the playground is clear of stems and syringes
Say shhh, say shhh
If there's only one store in your town that sells 12-inches
Say shhh, say shhh
If no one in your crew walks around with a gun
Say shhh, say shhh
And if you ain't gonna leave cause this is where you're from
Say shhh, say shhh

Well alright, well okay
St. Cloud, Minnesota
Mankato, Minnesota
Duluth, Minnesnowta
Kansas City
St Louis, Missouri
Columbia, Missouri
Oshkosh, Wisconsin
Madison
Milwaukee
Cincinnati, Ohio
Columbus, Ohio
Boulder, Colorado
Lawrence, Kansas
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Sioux Falls, South Dakota
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Indianapolis
Say shhh..
Minneapolis!”



* = Bran Mak Morn!

5 comments:

  1. Okay, I'm wrong! And maybe I'm not pumping out cartoons on my site, but I'm at least trying to share some of the new projects my brother and I have been working on. And although the last thing I want to do is start a blog competition with someone like you, I'm only 1 down for the week: Ben 3 - Heidi 2

    You were humiliated on a podcast? Now I'm curious and want to hear this podcast.

    I'll quote one of the greatest persons of the last century: Billy Idol (LOL): I love it when someone insults me. That means that I don't have to be nice anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  2. See it's good to admit when you're wrong, healthy even.
    I love looking at all your cool art endeavors, in fact truth be told I'm jealous I lack any talent for any of it. Instead all I can do is awkwardly gawk at your talents.
    The podcast thing is old news, here is the short of it; it sucked. Some of the folks involved in said issue are dead to me. Others helped to point out my part in getting things to that point and then we mended fences. There you have it.
    If Idol is 'Vital' then finish or refute the following equation;

    Billy Idol < Charlie Sheen < Patrick Swayze < Kurt Russell < CHUCK NORRIS!

    Show your work...

    ReplyDelete
  3. The thing is, Idol and Sheen are pudding heads compared to the swankness of Swayze, Russell and Norris.

    Ben is right the podcast thing was shit, I was mad and said crap, then we realized how much of a couple tossfaces we were, kissed (A LOT) and made up.

    Sometimes you have friends that push your buttons and are easy to piss off...that would be ME and BEN...but at the same time, he's the first person I think of when a song is done, he's the first person I want to hear those songs, and he's the first person I have (and will) go to for lyrics for the Fairly Secret Army. When we were fighting, I wanted to call him up about a song, but ...well, we were fighting. It felt horrible, and I know I hated the feeling..."I wish I could quit you!"

    I need to see what Heidi and her projects are all about...I'm curious...but not bi-curious, well, kinda...?

    "Worms of the Earth" is pretty awesome.

    I think you should write some more lyrics...maybe something sarcastic?
    Four Lines for the verses(2 Verses), 2-4 for lines for the chorus and maybe 4 for the bridge.

    Make it so number one!

    ReplyDelete
  4. WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE!WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE!

    ReplyDelete
  5. - It's TRUE, especially the kissing, it was hot.
    - Dude it's true, I'm not nor have I ever been Gay, but I have had a few male friends in my life who I would consider P.L.P.'s (Plautonic Life Partners); J.B., Ant, & David. When you have these relationships they aren't always all puppy dog & rainbows. There are moments of conflict, of sadness, and even of real emotional trauma. The true test of a person and a relationship is not how easily it is destroyed, but how strong it comes back. Suffice to say Dave I couldn't quit you either.
    - Heidi is an AMAZING artist, but more than she's creative with any implement & style. She can on one hand paint a beautiful painting of my proposal to my glorious wife, and then at the same time paint these bizarre yet gorgeous paintings of beetles, while simultaneously making swanky hats and mittens, but it doesn't rob her of her time to bust out inventive cards for geeks & the G.L.B.T. crowd. She's a Renaissance Woman, much like yourself Dave sans vagina.
    - Awesome does not adequately describe what you've created with "Worms Of The Earth", it's Maiden-esque.
    - I might have to, inspirado will have to take root first.
    - Speaking of Number One, I have to go take a Number Two...

    Oh and the 'We Are Free' part is super creepy!

    ReplyDelete