Thursday, October 10, 2013
THX 1138 Vs. Slaughterhouse Five
* = This is very true, but was FACT yesterday. I'm over it. I think. Ok, maybe not, but I can live with it. Stop looking at me like that! No that isn't an incendiary device in my hands honest...
Sometimes I can’t get out of my own way. Sometimes that’s a good thing sometimes it is a bad thing. Life has been a whirlwind of late, and I’m alright with that. I know it seems counter to my normal meandering through existence taking my time to smell the proverbial roses. However, I am nothing if not multifaceted and adaptable. The thing with being busy is it normally doesn’t afford me the time to sit and ponder my existence the way I am sometimes wont to do.
Normally being the key word. Of late though I’ve been trying to take some hard looks at some of my relationships, my thoughts, my feelings, and my process of dealing with others, I’ve come to realize that in my rush to please or ‘help’ others I’ve put myself in some positions I’d rather not be in. You see giving or being kind is not natural for me. I don’t think it is my personal default setting. I have to work at it, and I’ve gotten pretty good at it, but it is work nonetheless. At heart I can be a petulant child who wants what he wants when he wants it. I’ve managed to pretty successfully cage that beast of selfishness that beats so fiercely in my heart.
But have I gone too far in the other direction? In my rush to be a better person have I made myself someone who is easily manipulated or taken advantage of? Cassandra would tease me that I have a real hard time telling some ‘No’, and yet that my desire, true desire, to ‘do right’ by the people I befriend might be the best quality that this current version of me has. Is there a balance to be struck in the selfishness and selflessness? And how does one find it?
How do you look at situations and know when it is time to set your pride aside? I am a self-deprecation machine. I have pride, but it is hidden. I attempt to not let it rule my decision making nor show it too publicly. I really do enjoy telling people I’m not smart, or that I’m built like a butter sculpture, or that I have a face only a mother could love and even she doesn’t, or that I’m an asshole, etc. The fact is some of these things are true, in degrees. I do not, and will not hide from my flaws or limitations.
- I didn’t watch a lick of football Sunday, and I’m sort of ok with that.
- 4th Group is shaping up rather nicely. Here is what I’ve got out there to the group so far;
You'll be adventuring in the Jade Isles, so I'm sure you are wondering what that means. This is the Oriental/Far East part of the world you already adventure in. It is ruled by the 5 Dragon Lords and their Most Honorable Jade Hands (Local Diamyos or provincial Noble Lords). There is the Opulent Court Of Silk, a Merchant Guild that spans the entirety of the Jade Isles and hold some power in the Courts.
- We knocked out the Halloween Invite last night! I think it looks pretty solid and fun. The party is less than a month away; we should get to decorating this Sunday!
I think that is all I got in me today, back to the front…
“You wanna know why you feel so hollow?
Because you are.
Then you're missing out
Everybody knows that you are insane
You wanna know just how long you can hide from what you are?
Everybody knows that you are insane”