Thursday, September 2, 2010

Full Metal Jacket Vs. Red Zone Cuba


* = Oh Baby Cheezus...

It’s not that I have ton to blab about today, so I figured today would be as good a time as any to unleash upon the unfettered masses

FOOTBALL PICKS BOUND TO GO HORRIBLY WRONG – NFC EDITION!

- NFC East Champs: Dallas Cowboys – This is more by default than anything. I don’t get what the big media bluster about this conference is, by and large it’s one of the most talented divisions in football, but it underachieves every year. It’s very simple this year;
o The Washington Redskins are a wreck. McNabb is hurt, they are weak talent wise at receiver, the running game is inconsistent, they are untested at offensive line, and they have a defense that relies upon Albert Haynesworth to PLAY like he really wants to be there. Oh not to mention that “the Rat” Mike Shannahan hasn’t really won anything without some guy named Elway as his quarterback.
o The N.Y. Giants are hard to figure out. On one hand I really like Eli Manning as the quarterback, the offensive line is solid, their young and talented at wide receiver, and Brandon Jacobs SHOULD be a star. The problem is it’s a team full of head cases with no leadership. The defense hasn’t done anything since Coach Spagnola left to take the St. Louis job. They’re loaded with talent, but lack on the field leadership.
o The Philadelphia Eagles are rebuilding. I’m not sold on Kevin Kolb taking all the snaps, and Mike Vick is a better dog fighter than he is a quarterback. There are explosive players in the skill positions, but the defense is inconsistent and young. With the death of Jim Johnson, the defensive unit has struggled, the man wasn’t just a fantastic coordinator he was the heart and soul of that team. I really think this team is still two years away from being the perennial favorite it used to be.
o This leaves us with the schizophrenic Dallas Cowboys. I hate picking the Cowboys, because well I hate the F’N Cowboys. I think Tony Romo is overrated, the Dallas running game is overrated, they have an abundance of talent at wide receiver, but the defense has a tendency to be a bunch of frontrunners. If you give them a lead they are as good as anyone in the league, but when they HAVE to make a big play to get them back in the game, OR make up for the failings of the offense they disappear. All this is coupled with Wade Phillips not being a real NFL head coach, he’s a good, maybe even great Defensive coordinator, but as a head coach his a ‘bum’. They’ll win the division, but get bounced in the playoffs again. The window in Dallas is closing rapidly.
- NFC West Champs: San Francisco 49ersYUP! That’s right this is the year that Mike Singeltary’s team breaks through. Alex Smith is playing like a first round pick, Vernon Davis has arrived, Frank Gore is healthy, they have weapons at the wide outs, and that defense is NASTY!
o The Seattle Seahawks are not good, and they won’t be good for a long time. They’re old at the skill positions, the defense is undersized and the scheme isn’t attacking enough to make up for its lack of bulk. Pete Carroll was smart to flee USC, but the Seahawk’s job is a rebuilding job at best.
o There is a glimmer of hope in St. Louis and it’s coming at you on the arm of Sam Bradford. After a rough first go against the Vikings in the pre-season he looked like the real deal against the Patriots. I know, I know it’s the Preseason, but the St. Louis Ram's organization needed a shot in the arm like seeing the guy they just invested a fortune on actually show up. If Spagnola can get all those first round defensive guys to be a factor, I’m looking at you Adam Karraker & Howie Long’s kid, they could be on their way back to legitimacy.
o With the retirement of Kurt Warner and the mass exodus of some of their other good players the Arizona Cardinals have some gaping holes to fill. The Defense could still make some noise, as I love the attacking scheme, but that offense is mediocre at best. With no real quarterback to choose from they’ll flounder this year.
o The San Francisco 49er’s will make some noise in the playoffs this year as long as they can stay healthy and keep Alex Smith upright. With the commitment they made to offensive line, by drafting TWO very talented guys in the first round there is the overwhelming feeling that Frank Gore will be mercilessly pounding opposing defenses this year. I think with the talent at the skill positions this makes the 49er’s a dangerous play action team. I’ve already stated above how fantastic the defense is. I’m going out on a limb and saying that the San Francisco 49ers will be in the NFC Title Game this year.
- NFC South Champs: The New Orleans Saints – It won’t be easy this year as Atlanta is a play-off contender this year, but the Saints will make their run. The fact is they won’t be able to live off turnovers like they did last year. While they’ll be a factor they won’t be the dominant NFC team this year.
o The Carolina Panthers are in a transition year. Matt Moore may be the starter, but Jimmy Clausen will be the one taking all the snaps by the end of the year. They’ve improved their skill positions, but the defense is in revamp mode after losing Julius Peppers to the Bears.
o The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are young, REALLY young. They are building a fantastic foundation on both sides of the ball, and I think by year three of his pro career that Josh Freeman will be a force to be reckoned with. It’s unfortunate that it’s only year three. In 2013 the Bucs will be a major factor, unfortunately it’s only 2010.
o The Atlanta Falcons will bounce back from last year’s slightly disappointing campaign. The offense is healthy, Matt Ryan is in that magical year three, and I really like Mike Smith as a head coach. All that being said, I’m not sold on that defense at all. It just doesn’t have enough playmakers.
o The New Orleans Saints are solid enough to repeat, I just don’t think they’ll have the sheer amount of lucky breaks they came up with last year to be Super Bowl champs again. I also look at the fact that Darren Sharper is another year older, and currently hurt, so that secondary is very suspect. In addition they’re not sneaking up on anyone this year, they’ll get everyone they face’s best shot.
- NFC North Champs: The Minnesota Vikings – Until the Baby Cheezus retires they’ll be hard to dethrone. I think that the defense will play with a purpose after last year’s ending, Adrian Peterson has something to prove, and mere fact that the national media spends the vast majority of their time telling us why the Vikings WON’T win will give them an ample amount of bulletin board material.
o The Chicago Bears are horrible. Jay Cutler is this generation’s Jeff George, all show no go, Mike Mart’s offense will flounder in the weather and without the necessary talent at receiver, and the offensive line is very bad. That being said the defense, which is quickly getting VERY OLD, can cause teams fits if it stays healthy.
o The Detroit Lions are on their way up. I look for them to win six games this year. They’ve built in a smart way the last handful of years through the draft, and brought in veterans to make them at least competitive.
o The Green Bay Packers are one of the best teams in football. The problem is they play in a division with their former Hall Of Fame quarterback who lives to stick daggers in their collective hearts. Aarron Rogers is a top five quarterback, the receiving core is as deep and talented as I’ve ever seen in the NFL, and they can score points with anyone. The problem lies in a secondary that is old, two offensive tackles that can get beat like a drum, and Ryan Grant can’t carry the load. The Packers will be a factor, but are still a few pieces a way from being the team to beat.
o The Minnesota Vikings are my pick to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl. I’ve stated the reasons above. The real reason though is this is it for the Baby Cheezus. He’s done; I truly believe it this time, after this season. The Vikings will squeak out the conference title, survive the first round of the playoffs, and ride a very motivated Adrian Peterson to the Super Bowl.

Of course you know that I’m most likely COMPLETELY wrong here…

RANDOM CRAP!

- The Walking Dead hasn’t even aired yet and I’ve read AMC wants 13 more episodes. FANTASTIC!
- DC confirmed that Dick Grayson will remain Batman, BUT Bruce Wayne will also remain The Dark Knight. So that means TWO Batmen?! I know that this sort of thing causes angry Internet trolls all over the world in their parent’s basements to write angry posts on boards, but I for one couldn’t be more excited. I think it’s the best of both worlds, oh and contrary to all the internet H-A-T-E being spewed I still Love Me Some Grant Morrison.
- I have told Amazon to EAT IT and cancelled my order for Castle Ravenloft. I’ve moved my business to Miniature Market, I hope they prove to be as reliable as they have been in the past.
- They’re, being Avalon Hill, are reprinting Betrayal At House On The Hill! That is awesome as it’s been insanely hard to find and it’s a GREAT game.

I wish I had something more worthwhile to gab about, but alas I’m boring…

“The spheres in motion wrapped around collapsing stars
Immortal hands and eyes are framed in fearful scars
The mystery of living, breathing, dying hard

My name and occupation tattooed on my face
The stars my destiny, deep space my dwelling place
Delirious and rotting, where's my saving grace

The stars burn bright
In the forest of night
But what mortal hands and eyes will I see there?

I'm locked behind bars
On the gateway to Mars
But when all the stars expire will I still be here?

I'll set the villages and colonies aflame
The bards of history had best forget my name
Deliriously plotting, Nomad is my fame”



* = See, doesn't she make you want to sit around in just a pair of orange crocs, masturbate, and send her the photos...Allegedly...

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