Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Orphanage VS. Chronos

* = Not the most effective tool although at this point I'm willing to try anything...

Steelers verse Packers, huh? Well at least I had the divisions correct. I’m going to be actively rooting for the Steelers, but I’m really just hoping for a really good game. Maybe we’ll get a real classic. And if we’re lucky and karma does pay off, after the game angry Packer fans will sexually assault Ben Rothlisberger after getting him sloshed. They can always just lawyer up and claim he was “asking for it”.

The other night when we were supposed to be in the frigid confines of the basement putting up window thingies or taping or painting trim we instead become completely engrossed with The Fantastic Mr. Fox (**** out of 5). I’m not a huge ‘claymation’ guy, but I have to say this film just spilled charm and warmth into our living room captivating us. It helped that Wes Anderson, whom I feel has yet to make a bad film, did the movie. It didn’t hurt that the voice cast was outstanding, headed by George Clooney but also including Bill ‘Friggin’ Murray, William Dafoe, and my personal favorite Jason Schwartzman. It has the polished veneer of kid’s movie wrapped in smart dialogue, family struggles, and the inevitable coming of age story. I highly recommend this one.

I am nervous about Saturday. I’ve been very controlling in my interactions with people other than Cassandra post trip to Kansas, things have been strange, and I’ve been strange. Wrapping your head around a life-altering event is not easy; it’s made more challenging when you ask as many questions as I do. I’ve checked out of the Thursday Night Board Game Group. The place that pays my bills is getting a shell of me, and there are times when I really just want to be left completely and utterly alone. It really has very little to nothing to do with the folks in those categories. I’m just having a rough patch processing all this. I can’t really put into words my feelings or emotions, or my thoughts for that matter. Nothing does them justice; nothing seems to have the relevance or weight to do it justice. For all the words I know, that I use, I’m at a loss to communicate this and seemingly confused on how to mentally get over the hurdle. I just feel distant from everything. It’s all on the horizon both in front and behind me. It’s as if I’m traversing a long and desolate section of land able to look back with fondness as to where I came from, but also being able to look forward in anticipation of something better. I’m just on that long lonely sojourn between.

Does that even make sense to anyone but me?

I’m unfortunately finding out that there is not set pattern or standard for grief. My brain just wants this to be over, while small portions of it are holding out in a fervent fury of denial. Every time I enjoy something I feel guilty, as if it’s wrong for me to be happy. Some of it is I realize now that I’m not sure I really no how to grieve. I know how to get choked up at inappropriate times, I know how to cry, but I’m not sure I know how to come to terms with the drastic change in the status quo. There is a part of me that is so selfish that I’m actually mad that he died.

All these things are utterly and completely ridiculous. I realize that they are ridiculous. I’m self-aware enough to see this. In some ways I might be to self-aware. Every question I ask myself leads to three more questions, and unfortunately “because I said so” doesn’t fly in an internal dialogue. I want to stop thinking for a while.

That is why even though I’m nervous about playing Marvel on Saturday it might be the best thing. It’s an escape, but a social one, it’ll force me to use my noggin, and if history holds true there will be plenty of laughs. I just want it to be fun. I so badly want it to be fun.

And with that…


- Wrath of Ashardalon has VILLAGERS!

Oh and doors, a campaign mode, special rooms, etc. This is shaping up to be almost a Castle Ravenloft 2nd Edition type of jump. I love the idea of the toolbox game set, and this is just further fleshing this out. I only hope that the in box adventures are bit better than C.R.’s.
- Community National Bank we are now adversaries. For you or your representation to take the tact you have AFTER meeting post Big Love’s death is really shady. You assured us to “not worry about it” that it was done. To go to my mother or to try and circumvent the process is really deplorable. I guess the warm ‘fuzzies’ of Iola last just long enough to get the deceased into ‘the ground’ and then it’s back to business as usual. Well get in line and file a probate, because any loyalty or obligation that I felt towards you is gone. I’m very disappointed & vexed with some folks. Horribly vexed.
- Looks like I’m flying solo running D&D. It also looks like it’ll be a mellow & small group. I’m going to try and take a different tact with my overarching design of game this time as well as keeping the adventurers short, succinct, and high octane. I don’t think this is an exploration group. I think they want high adventure. Maybe I should go re-read some of the old modules, or some shorter stuff out of Dungeon &/or Dragon Magazine to get some ideas on self-editing.
- I’d love a Italian Hot Beef sandwich from Brianno’s right now.
- R.I.P. Human Torch, although you won’t stay dead I am intrigued to see what Hickman does with the aftermath.
- I’m not a Jay Cutler guy, but people need to get off his ass. Guy was injured, staff pulled him, he still tried to go, and just couldn’t. To hear a bunch of chuckleheads sitting on their couches at home second-guessing him is sad, and tastes of sour grapes. I mean if Maurice Jones-Drew was so good at assessing injury wouldn’t he be a doctor rather than a overrated back on an underachieving, playoff missing team? Mr. Dockett might be a decent defensive tackle, but his assessment of other players is just an opinion, and not one to be taken as fact. This is the problem with twitter and the like. It gives national voice and attention to folks who speak before they think. It helps perpetuate the idea that out there in the world someone thinks you and your ‘thoughts’ are important. It reinforces this epidemic of self-importance. Just like blogs. Don’t get me wrong I’m not claiming immunity to this. I love when people read this crap, I enjoy when someone tells me something I wrote was funny, and it’s a nice feeling to think that what you write has ‘meaning’. Everyone likes to feel important or ‘special’. The reality is this is and I am not important. No one really is, and as my dad would say, “…opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, some are just bigger than others…” I just find it unfortunate that these two guys who play a game that is so tough would take a shot at what is technically a ‘co-worker’ over their sense of toughness. It just seems very Junior High.
- I just defended Jay Cutler, who is a tool. Next thing you know I’ll start rooting for the Raiders or the Broncos…
- There are some plumbing issues in my basement now. I’m not a plumber. I do however know that if I ever get in a room with the person who ‘re-plumbed’ our home before we bought it they better have good health insurance.
- I despise being this frustrated.

I’m sure there is more I wanted to write about, I just can’t for the life of me think of them now…

“Cast out from the lands of their births
Banished from hearth and home
All brothers must swear the oath
Forsaking all they've ever known

Those who choose to take the black
Bid farewell to comforts great and small
Those who do, don't come back
Prepare yourself for life on the wall

Night gathers and the watch begins
The wind carries an unnatural chill
There are things beyond the northern borders
Mere steel can't kill

Men who choose to take the black
Rogues and rangers, one and all
Those who do, won't come back
Prepare yourself for life on the wall”

* = Could we some Hydra this weekend? "Hail HYDRA! Immortal HYDRA! We shall never be destroyed! Cut off one limb and two more shall take its place! We serve the Supreme Hydra, as the world shall soon serve us!"


  1. I’ve been very controlling in my interactions with people other than Cassandra post trip to Kansas, things have been strange, and I’ve been strange.... I’ve checked out of the Thursday Night Board Game Group.

    I just want to point out that since about Oct or Early Nov, you've been no show to Thursdays.
    ...just an observation, but you've become a "canceller"

  2. *sigh*
    Seriously? I think as I pointed out that post Haloween, when I was attending ALL THE TIME, that we then go into a part of the year where we are swamped. I'm assured it's NOT a big deal, and yet here we are in January and it is.

    Passive Agressive comments & "observations" become really irritating even to a "canceller"...

  3. Not to mention Dave, that's all you took away from that? That's it? Sorry to have inconvienced you and the group it won't happen again.