Thursday, November 1, 2012

That Guy From Harlem Vs. Frankenstein Island

* = Oh 'That Guy From Harlem' only YOU understand how to get a lady all hot and bothered...

You know I was going to be SO busy today. My schedule was relatively full of things that ‘Had’ to get done. I’d booked things out at the request of folks who ‘needed’ me to set aside a day to get some guidance. It always amazes me then when these people then don’t show up or in this case call in an hour and a half late because you had a lasagna emergency I tend to not be very ‘helpful’. I mean if it was a lasagna emergency at work I might make some adjustments and ‘make it happen’. However when you call to let me know that you had a lasagna emergency at home, and forgot to call me well then I’m sorry but other folks have taken up my precious time and you’ll need to reschedule. You know I expect this type of crap from our rank and file, but from middle management it only serves to piss me off.

I’ve been on a bit of a Rifftrax tear of late. I finished ‘That Guy From Harlem’ (4 Honkeys out of 5), and it is as amazing as it sounds.
It’s the first time that Mike, Bill, and Kevin have taken a foray into the wonderful genre of ‘Blaxplotation’, and it doesn’t disappoint. First off the movie is bad, I mean ‘Manos: The Hands Of Fate’ (5 ‘Masters’ out of 5) bad. In almost every scene there is a line reading flub where the ‘actors’, and I use that term lightly look right at the camera in this expression of “should we keep going?” OF COURSE you should keep going your starring in a shitty movie. I have to admit that the fight scenes are beyond amazing. It looks like the beginning of every one of these fights that someone really got smacked so the rest of the time the parties involved are trying desperately to NOT have it devolve into a street fight on film, which makes these scenes GLORIOUS! On top of all of this is the rapid fire riffing that the trio fires off. I laughed so hard I was coughing at one point. It’s not their best work of all time, see Batman & Robin (Infinite Bat Nipples out of 5) for that, but it’s a damn solid piece of comedy. By the by, I’m almost done with Frankenstein Island which will get an amazing rating just based upon the riff during the opening credits alone.

Whose ready for another miniature preview? WHA!? Well you’re going to get it regardless. You’re going to get it and LIKE IT! It’s time for another week’s worth of Shattered Star previews;
First up is the Nightgaunt. This is one of the Lovecraftian beasties in this set along with the Gug, which we’ve already seen in all its magnificence and the mini will see next. But I digress; I’m not sure what I think about this one. He sort of looks like a reject from the old Horroclix game, and while I know that Lovecraft described this beast as rubber faced and it should look completely ‘unknowable’, but I really don’t think this gives me as much detail or ‘horror’ as I’d like. It just lacks detail and looks ‘lumpy’. If this one doesn’t ‘show’ better in hand when the set is released then it is definitely a PASS.
The other minis this week is a vast departure from the Nightgaunt in the detail department. It is that ‘thing’ made of PURE HATE, The Hound Of Tindalos! This is one of my favorite beasties in the Mythos. I have to admit that I was slightly ‘meh’ upon first glance of this one, but it has grown on me. I think it’s because it didn’t really mesh with the idea of the Hound in my head. I expected something that was coming out of a corner, read the tale you friggin’ heathens, and was more, well, hound like. However upon staring longingly at this piece of nastiness I have to admit I like it, I like it a lot. First off is that really gross looking face and long creepy tongue, you tie that in with a really off putting paint job and you have a winner. The icing on the cake is the strange joints in the limb that make the pose look so awkward, and yet evocative. I could see this thing forming out of the corners of a room, made of pure hatred, creeping towards you on the ceiling, slavering at the prospect of your doom! If you can’t tell this is a MUST BUY for me, as it should be for you.

Just writing that MAKES me want to hear The Darkest Of The Hillside Thickets song ‘Sounds Of Tindalos’ DESPERATELY, so desperately in fact that I’m going to just give you your damn…


- My copy of Dave Gross’ new Pathfinder Tales book, ‘Queen Of Thorns’, came in the mail.
I read almost all of it in one setting, as it’s fantastic. However, I had to stop as my copy was ‘miscut’ at the printer and about twenty pages of the book are missing the last third of every page. It SUCKED! So I contacted Paizo, and seeing that they are simply amazing when it comes to customer service I have a new copy on the way. So first off kudos to you Mr. Gross for again roping me into another tale of Count Varian Jeggare & his ‘servant’ Radovan. I can NOT wait to finish it and then hand it over to Cassandra. Secondly, thank you to Paizo for reminding me why I NEVER regret giving you my money. Your products are always top notch, they are carefully crafted, created, and given to us with love. The cherry on top is the fact that your customer service is simply outstanding. You don’t have to treat us the way you do, but you do and for that I thank you.
- Movie-A-Thon on Friday! On the docket are; Nightmare City, The Tomb Of The Blind Dead, and a variety of 70’s movie trailers. I’m pumped!
- On a side note I’m also reading ‘House Of Leaves’ by Mark Z. Danielewski. You were right Zack, it’s dense, disturbing, off putting, tense, and chock full of dread. It never ceases to make you uncomfortable all the while dragging you deeper into its embrace. This book is a trap.
- I’ve watched a crap load of Horror Movies this scary movie season, most of which were old school Hammer flicks, but I have to say that even though I heap tons of praise on the following two flicks re-watching them never ceases to amaze me about how good they both are; Romero’s Dawn Of The Dead (the original) and the 2004 remake of Salem’s Lot. Both are just outstanding and really made my day on Tuesday when I was recovering from ‘issues’.
- Disney owns Star Wars now. I’m honestly not sure how I feel about this.
- I came out this morning and someone had gone to my neighbors across the streets lawn and put a ‘Vote No’ (For the state ‘Marriage’ Act) sign in their yard. How do I know it wasn’t them?
Well it’s because the two single ladies across the street made their own ‘Vote Yes’. I don’t dig on this. Listen moral crusaders on both sides, I get it. I really do. You feel your Right. Not little ‘r’ right, but big ‘R’ Right. And the only thing we as humans love more than being 'Right' is having the last word.  By dumping a sign in someone's yard you've effectively done that, but in the most cowardly of fashions.  You think that your side is justified in its opinion and you are. Ladies across the street, you own that house and therefor that yard so if you want to put a picture of Mickey Mouse shitting on Spider-Man’s chest then go right ahead. It’s the First Amendment and you are protected. The person who put that sign in your yard was wrong to do it, its vandalism. All that being said Ladies across the street you are on the wrong side of history here. In twenty years people will look at your ‘quaint bigotry’ the same way we look at Klansmen, “What the F’ where these idiots doing/thinking?” You apparently missed the part in the bible about loving one another and not judging. I’ll defend your ability to support what I personally see as one of the stupidest things this side of the Jim Crow type of Voter ID crap that’s going on, but don’t expect me to like it. In fact it makes me think significantly less of you as people, however I will always defend your constitutional rights to have an opinion, EVEN though you want to take away those same type of rights; life, love, and the pursuit of happiness from others.
- The Venture Brothers Halloween Special (***** out o 5) only served to wet my appetite for more episodes. C’mon Cartoon Network don’t make me beg. OR threaten…
- Greater Than Games is doing a Kickstarter for their game Sentinels Of The Multiverse. I’m VERY intrigued. It’s a co-op game, it’s got super heroes, and you fight against the deck. Not to mention it’s got high marks on Board Game Geek. I think they might get some cash from me on this Kickstarter.
- Since I’m kicking out some Kickstarter ‘shout outs’ let me do the obligatory DCM Tidal Wave Redeux. GO GIVE THEM YOUR MONEY!
- Snow on Friday? WTF! I’m not ready for this. Seriously. I have leaves to mulch, there is still mulch from the great tree felling of 2012 to put in the bin, and I don’t want to shovel just yet. Oh and it’s NOT EVEN THANKSGIVING! So from me to you Winter, can you be a pal and hold off for about 30 more days? Thanks so much, ass.
- Perhaps today I’ll get off my dead behind and get some more of that story converted for the Radio Drama.
- I miss you David

I think that’s enough mindless drivel for one day…

“Open up
Pop 'em down
Just relax
Hear the sounds
Struggle not to be free
Tell us all what you see

Can you sense that we're here
You've got nothing to fear
It's alright
You'll be fine
As you're sucked back in time

Are the walls of the house fading in, fading out?
Are you near?
Are you far?
Can you tell where you are?
Are you trapped?
Are you free?
Can you see everything?

Is it black?
Is it gone?
Can you sense what's beyond?
Take a step further back
Just a peek through the crack

Are they force?
Are they space?
Are they dead or awake?
Are they far?
Are they near?
Do they feed on your fear?
Is it life inchoate?
Is it hate concentrate?
Concentrate! Concentrate!

From the corners and bends do they strike yet again and again?”

* = RUN!  It's a F'Ning OWLBEAR!

No comments:

Post a Comment