The Strange Door Vs. Tobor The Great

It is official, I’m old.  I survived another year on this precariously spinning rock as it hurtles though the infinite of space.  I think I’ve always been a bizarre juxtaposition of ‘old’ and ‘young’.  My body is old, it is broke down.  Some of my sensibilities are downright caveman like at times or at the least ‘out dated’ to some.  I have the demeanor of a surly old cantankerous bastard a lot the time.  My mind and attitude are young, or as most would say immature.  I relish the fact that I enjoy the childlike things in life, that I am excited by them, that I daydream, and lose myself in the infinite possibilities that the world still secretly provides in my most quiet and private moments.
 
There are a lot of times where I could grow up.  There are times when I desperately wish I understood the ‘adult world’ far better than I understand all the imaginary vistas that my mind drifts to.  I wish I was better at practical tasks, better at regulating my feelings, better at being a ‘grown up’.  But I’m not.  I’m much better at weaving yarns, drawing that out of others, living in the moment of what I feel, and giving all of what I am to those I care about and trust.

I am learning as I age that I can’t become something or someone I am not.  I’m just not that malleable a personality.  I’m not smart enough to adjust mentally to the new status quos that would come my way.  And I’m not morally flexible enough to be ok with things I already look at and don’t care for.  I am very flexible in so many ways, but I am realizing I am rigid, frighteningly so, in others.  I still can’t find it in me to forgive a lot of things, and I certainly haven’t gained the capacity to forget.

The other fact I’ve come to realize is the world will never stand still.  I used to long to keep things in a time capsule, to take moments and preserve them in amber so that they would never change and I wouldn’t have to adjust to them.  It was an unfair thing to expect of others, moments, or the world.  The last 8 months or so have taught me that.  Honestly they have freed me of that expectation, and I’m better for it.  I am learning to take people as they are, and in turn not trying to be something I’m not to keep them in my ‘orbit’.
 
There is a moment of discovery that can only be earned with time and experience.  I’ve learned that the face in the mirror that has haunted me and frustrated me for so long isn’t as bad as I want or at times have needed to believe.  I’ve seen that some of the things I’ve thought I was doing out of an ideal of selflessness were anything but.  I have better come to terms with my nature and my flaws, and at the same time I’ve began to see that I am other things I didn’t know and would never have thought myself to be.  I am coming to terms with my reality as a person.

And yet at the same time I have not lost my desire to be something more.  I have yet to put aside childish things, ideals, or wishes.  I can’t seem to want to ‘grow up’.  I don’t want to stop telling stories of ‘high adventure’ with my Friends.  I don’t want to stop enjoying watching grown men in tights ‘fake fight’.  I have no interest in getting ready of the hordes of ‘little plastic dudes’ that I have accumulated.  I never want to stop thinking about Captain Marvel and Superman in a fist fight with Thanos over the Infinity Gauntlet on the bridge of Galactus’ ship.  And those are but the tip of the iceberg.

Is it wrong to stay this way?  Is it wrong to never want to grow up, to mentally live in a ‘Never Never Land’ while your body continues to degrade?  I wish I knew.  What I do know is I have never been happier than I am today, and I was as happy as I’ve ever been yesterday.  The challenges, the struggles of life are still there.  They are still kicking my ass at times, but I am learning that the guy in the mirror that befuddles me and used to be the focus of all my loathing and ire can handle far more of it with a clever smile and panache than I ever thought possible.  Maybe we really are who everyone tells us we are…

Wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing?

I didn’t intend for this week’s blog to go in this direction.  As most of you who have read this drivel know I just write what pops into my head.  This place has been and is the place where I just let it all fall out of my brain.  I’m actually trepidatious about even reading back what I just wrote, so I won’t.  Instead I’ll move onwards and upwards with some…

RANDOM CRAP!

- Ok maybe ‘onwards and upwards’ is being a little arrogant, how about just saying moving forward or better than that just moving.

- This winter is crushing me, crushing us.  These insanely long commutes are truly sapping my very will to exist.  If I have to spend 3 hours plus in a car a day more than once a month just to get to somewhere that I really don’t want to be at I’m going to jump into oncoming traffic.  Oh and don’t worry it isn’t moving so I won’t really be that hurt.  It’ll just be my way of telling the weather and traffic to go F’ itself in the A’.  Geez…

- I’m really hungry for Beer Cheese Soup or better yet Fondue!

- The newly minted 5th Group D&D is tomorrow.  I’m sort of prepped, and sort of behind.  The group has been throwing ideas and focus all over the place, each twist and turn more inspired and brilliant than the next.  It is outstanding to be in the middle of a group of such crazy smart and creative people, they all blow my mind with every new idea and direction.  Couple that with so many Role Playing potentials in their proposals and I have a LOT of irons in the mental fire, which honestly is pretty fantastic.

- Thank you to everyone who was kind enough to drop some seriously sweet swag on me for my Birthday!  Holy Crap you guys are awesome.  So much WIN!

- Another week another Wrath Of The Righteous preview!

First up is the Blood Demon, a Medium, Common.  Poor Blood Demon with your horribly bent spear.  I really like the slimy gloss; it is an excellent way to make a miniature look wet and subsequently gross.  However, he suffers from the mono paint job syndrome.  That shade of red doesn’t really give the miniature any depth because there is no shade.  In addition that spearhead is gigantic compared to the head of the miniature.  It isn’t a bad miniature; it just seems so damn uninspired.  Perhaps it’ll look much better in hand, but it is going to have to be ULTRA cheap on the secondary market for me to pick any of these up.  This one is a PASS for me.

Here is our first glance at the Incubus, the male version of the Succubus.  This bad mamma jamma is a Medium, Uncommon.  I’m not sure what I think about this guy.  I like the imperious pose, with the wings spread wide, and the sword held in a way that just screams, ‘I will cut off your head because I can!’  I sort of like the skin color, but I’m not sold on it.  I do, however like the large pupil less eyes which seem so inhuman.  I also like the bit of gold paint we do get as against the drab color of this miniature they really pop.  I’m sensing a theme though with a lot of Demons being very single color which isn’t necessarily a good thing.  I think I’ll be trying to pick up one of these, so I guess that makes it a MUST BUY.

Wha?!  Another Demon, go figure?  This is the Filth Demon, who is a Large, Rare.  So…WTF!  That flying of blob of gross is simply awesome.  Seriously.  That sculpt is just wild.  There are so many areas that are screaming for a bit of shadow and a dab of highlighting that I’m hoping the sharp glow off this piece is the lighting and not a lack of shadow and highlight.  That would be a horrible disservice to the wonderfully grotesque sculpt.  And the whole thing screams personality with the way it is holding that whip.  This is seriously just a great miniature, and I hope to find one on the cheap to use in 5th Group ASAP!  This is a MUST BUY for me!

Getting off the Demons we next are given the Pathfinder version of the essential monster, the Basilisk!  This version is a Medium, Uncommon.  I have two DDM Basilisks and a Reaper one as well.  I don’t think I’ve ever actually used one of these bad boys in a game.  I’m thinking I need to drop one in soon, potentially as a very nasty pet.  As for this version, I am underwhelmed.  Seriously.  This miniature is again a victim of a very singular paint scheme with little to no deviation that leaves it look drab.  The sculpt really has no movement, and even less personality.  In addition it just doesn’t elicit the feeling that I’m staring at a Basilisk.  Honestly, I feel like I’m looking at throw away monster from the old Star Wars miniature game.  This is one of the first times I’ve been completely and utterly disappointed in a miniature in this line.  This one is a PASS for me.

Let’s wrap up with the Rift Drake.  This Dragon-kin is a Large, Uncommon.  I like the sculpt, a lot actually.  It has great movement, and feels like it is diving in for the kill.  I’m not always the biggest on the clear plastic flying/swimming peg figures as Wizkids gluing has sometimes been suspect, as evidenced by my having to re-glue some Sea Lions.  I’m hoping that this won’t cause me similar issues.  My big issue with this miniature is the color.  Why that light shade of pink/purple?  It doesn’t mimic the sky, or any natural camouflage.  Couple that with the creamscicle orange wing skin and it feels a little bit gaudy for no reason.  Which is a damn shame, because the sculpt really works.  This is another one where if it is cheap I’m going to pick at least one up, but if it is running a bit pricey it’ll be a PASS for me.  So far this set is FAR and AWAY more hit and miss for me than any other of the sets, I’m not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.  Time will tell.                

- The Sci-Fi Shark Movie-A-Thon was incredible.  So many laughs, so much fun.  Thank you all.

- It always amazes me the timing and the potential motives of negatives in our lives.  Sometimes situations and people come and go from your existence, for good and for ill.  I’m a pretty simplistic guy.  Once I’m done with something I am done with it.  I say that and I mean it.  See that is the thing that is hard for some people to wrap their heads around, I’m easy to get.  I say what I feel and what I mean.  What I say I feel and when I say it I mean it.  There isn’t a hidden agenda, there isn’t a cry for attention or for ‘help’, and I rarely change course on big decisions once they’ve been made.  I don’t make those decisions easily, and rarely make them quickly.  So when something is done, for me it is done.  I can be civil, I can be nice, I can be positive, and I can even be supportive, especially if there are extenuating circumstances.  However I have a point where even that ends, and I have been as nice as I’m willing to be.  Sometimes that last cut of the final tie turns out to be the easiest, and that honestly makes it hurt all the more.

- I really need to get another Insecurity Blanket Podcast in the ‘tank’ soon.  Maybe I’ll just do a solo one on Sunday, and talk to myself.

I think that is all I’ve got.

“Woke Up This Morning, Put On My Sunday Shoes.
Don't Ask Me Why, It's Just The Nature Of My Groove.
I Larged Down The Boulevard, Came Under Attack,
But I Rocked Them Senseless, 'Cause Honey It's Tight Like That.

I Hung A Left Down To Lemans' Avenue,
Stagger Lees Everywhere, Trying To Bring Me Doom, Oh No.
And That Old Scratch, He Tried To Purchase This Soul,
That Don't Confront Me, 'Cause I'm Never In The Need Of A Payroll.
Heck, Yeah.

Amen, Do It All Again.
Rock My Soul In The Bosom Of Abraham.
Spit Shine And A Three Piece Suit,
Good Lord I Got To Thank You 'Cause You Do It Like You Do.
Hallelujah, All The People In The Back.
Hallelujah, It's Tight Like That.
Hallelujah, All The People Up Front.
Tight Like That, Rapture, Rock.

And All You Know-It-Alls With Politic Views.
Ideals Don't Situate Themselves In His Groove.
So If You Want To Know, You Just Got To Ask.
But If You Don't Lose That Skin, You'll Never Be Tight Like That.
Watch Me Work, Yeah.

Amen, Do It All Again.
Rock My Soul In The Bosom Of Abraham.
Spit Shine And A Three Piece Suit,
Good Lord I Got To Thank You 'Cause You Do It Like You Do.
Hallelujah, All The People In The Back.
Hallelujah, It's Tight Like That.
Hallelujah, All The People Up Front.
Tight Like That, Rapture, Rock.

Don't Try To Sell Me Your New Age Guru Troubles.
'Cause I'm Already Reeling Doing That Good Time Gospel Shuffle.
And All Your Thumpings About Some Armageddon,
Ain't No Big Deal, 'Cause I Already Hang With Him.

Amen, Do It All Again.
Rock My Soul In The Bosom Of Abraham.
Spit Shine And A Three Piece Suit,
Good Lord I Got To Thank You 'Cause You Do It Like You Do.
Hallelujah, All The People In The Back.
Hallelujah, It's Tight Like That.
Hallelujah, All The People Up Front.
Tight Like That, Rapture, Rock.
Oh Yeah, Tight Like That.
Honey It's Tight Like That.
Honey It's Tight Like That.
Honey It's Tight Like That.

Can I Get A Witness For The Rock Of Ages?
For The Rock Of Ages?
Can I Get A Witness For The Rock Of Ages?
For The Rock Of Ages?”

* = I'm starting a series of books tonight given to me as a gift for my Burfday.  I am eager and really humbled that someone would share with me something they cherish so much...