Life is interesting sometimes. You find yourself falling into old familiar trappings for good or ill. Lately my anxiety has begun to creep back up after years of being under a reasonable amount of control. Now it’s not overwhelming. It isn’t something that makes me want to hide away from the world, well no more than usual, but it has reasserted itself as a functional part of my existence. Every once in awhile a trip to the sweltering hell that is M.O.A. has left me a mess, or maybe an unruly sojourn into the heart of darkness itself, Wal-mart, has left me praying for a quick death, but for the most part I’ve coped. Last weekend I found myself in a spot where I was simultaneously joyous and yet completely in the throes of anxiety. I wanted to climb out of my own skin. Hell, I was trying to climb out of my own skin. It had nothing to do with anyone there or anything in particular; it’s just that I felt I was drowning in people; in their faces, in their smells, in their space, just in them. It’s a feeling like I’m being swallowed alive, and it terrifies me. It’s not something I’m happy with, proud of, or want, it’s just who I am. I’m not sure I’ll ever be fully rid of it, it seems to ebb and flow. Well right now it’s flowing, and I’d really like it to ebb.
What makes it sadly funny is that in direct contradiction to said anxiety, last night we went out with Former-Work-Friend-Now-Regular-Friend Joe, who will now be referred to affectionately as Joe Evangelista (VIVA EL MOUSTACHE’!), and his wife. I was worried. I mean I’m not easy to get along with, I can be off putting, I’m obnoxious, and it’s not as if I’m quiet about any of it. I was a bit nervous, you know wanting to give a good impression and all, but it went swimmingly, at least from our point of view. Lord only knows what the conversation was in the other vehicle, hopefully good. The overall point is that this is a case where we went to an eatery, with people I don’t know overly well, and I was able to curb anxiety gab away, absolutely DESTROY two pounds of chicken wings, and felt nothing short of elation. You would think that most people would have a much more difficult time in an intimate setting like that rather than one in a sea of faceless masses. It’s just when I’m able to “control” the environment, when I’m able to sort of just let me be me, and not feel as if I’m being pulled beneath an undertow of faceless soulless humanity I can function. Hell, I can excel. I really wonder if there is a way to balance these aspects of my personality more effectively. Things to ponder.
Maybe I’m just messed up.
You know I’m pretty sure I am just messed up, but aren’t we all.
After all this inane self-examination how about some good ole’ fashion
- I really don’t care what anyone says that was a PHANTOM leg whip/tripping call last week in the Vikings Vs. Steelers game. In fact I thought that was one of the more poorly officiated NFL games I’d seen in some time. I really hope that the players on the field rather than the dudes in stripes decide the Border Battle Part Duex. It’ll be Brett Farve runnin’ out of the tunnel at Lambeau Field in purple, dogs & cats living together, MASS HYSTERIA! It’ll be perfect setting for me to nurse my post-Halloween aches and pains as we host BOARDER BATTLE PART DUEX! That’s right, yellin’, screamin’, Brett Farve-lovin’, and Beer-‘tinis. You got nothin’ better to do…
- Congrats to Mighty Mike & his new bride Charity “Michaels”. It’s always touching and heart warming to see the union of two people who truly adore one another. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of a wonderful day.
- Southpark. Are you watching it? Well you should be, it’s been damn funny this season. This is routinely the one show that has not let me down when it comes to laughs in the last four years. As far as I’m concerned it remains as relative and sharp as it’s ever been. Just a damn fine piece of humor.
- While sweeping the driveway of leaves isn’t fun it doesn’t suck near as much as raking. Raking = “Teh Suxor”.
- Hey David, I know what I want for my birthday, WAVES OF MERCURY! Make it so. Oh and stop running over turtles…
- I find it HI-larious that between work and now the lovely wife of Joe Evengalista I’ve heard the statement “Are you crapping/s*%ting on my face?” from separate super smart people as a socially acceptable response to a question. Utterly & completely BRILLIANT! Ladies, consider it officially stolen.
- I miss Henchmen #24 on Venture Brothers.
- I’m working on a Lexicon for the blog. Not because I need one, but more because I want one. Oh and I loves me the word ‘lexicon’. Here’s a taste;
A Lexicon Of Crap You Should Know When It Comes To The Blog
- Leotarded – Something that is lame. Use; “Steve the fact that I can’t trade weapons in mid combat is nothing short of Leotarded!”
- Hannity – Something lame that should be reviled. Use; “Stewart Scott should shut his mouth and squint his lazy eye, ‘cause everything that falls out of his face is so Hannity…”
- Halford – Something that is a little gay but incredibly cool. Use “If you painted the bat symbol pink it would be…I don’t know…Sort of Halford, ‘cause I mean he’s still flippin’ Batman…”
- BUZZ! Trivia Challenge – the bi-monthly PS2 Trivia smackdown. There is a Trivia Belt for those that crush all their enemies. After residing in St. Cloud for half a year the belt is now being held by it’s current holder in Fridley. The next Challenge is in December. Use; “Come December BUZZ! Trivia Challenge I’m going to crush your hopes & dreams…!”
- Movie-A-Thon – a gathering of myself, Mighty Mike, Dark Dave, and our lost brother Dy-lan to watch either much loved cinema of varying genres. Use, “For my birthday let’s do a Sonny Chiba Movie-A-Thon.”
- Anthony “Insert Nickname Here” J. – My brother-in-law, lord & master of home improvement projects, man-crusher on Brett Farve & Tom Brady, also known as “Hot Carl”, and father to a ‘Cat’ & a ‘Bear’. Use; “Anthony “Is Your Poop Florescent Green?” J. is coming to Halloween ’09…”
- Iron Fist – Old nickname based upon my management style in Duluth. Use; “Iron Fist is making me work on a Sunday.”
- El Iron Fisto – My Lucha Libre alter ego. Use; “Don’t make me break out the El Iron Fisto mask…”
- J.B. – Jon in the Twin Ports, long time friend, who is also known as Dark Dave’s good universe mirror image. Use; “J.B. is supposed to be here, but he’s afraid to drive in the rain…”
- Soup Town – Superior WI.
- Dark Dave – The musical mastermind behind The Endless, 1,000 Suns, & Waves Of Mercury just to name a few. Also a rabid Farve lover, obsessed with Twin Peaks, Ulver in the monthly D&D group, & a Chubby Funster. Use; “Dark Dave saw him naked once. Just once.”
- Mighty Mike – aka STEEV from the monthly D&D group! Former co-worker at the Cities Comic Store du-jour, a man with a prodigious knowledge of ALL things film, an action figures genius, & the Hulk’s biggest fan. Use; “Mighty Mike will not cry, so I cry for him…”
- Radical – Something so cool or awesome even the 1980’s couldn’t stop it. Also something I am TAKING IT BACK! Alternative use; “Rad!” Use; “Hawkman is SO radical!”
- Tits – See also Radical. Use; “That time I crushed you at Battle Masters was TITS!”
- Joe Evangilista – Work Friend turned Regular Friend. Hidden blog reader and moustache’ enthusiast. Use; “And then Joe Evangilista asked if I was crapping on his face…”
- Joe C. – King of Soup Town. Joe was my boss at Robin Goodfellow, a fellow blogger, freethinker, and comic fan. Use; “Joe C. MIGHT be coming to the cities to hang out soon…”
- Rims Mctardipants – Aka Chris. Someone I’ve known for a long time and used to work with. We don’t hang out as often any longer. Use; “Dude, what are you Rims?”
- Justy Timbo – aka Ricky. Nicknamed for his uncanny resemblance to Justin Timberlake. Someone I’ve known for a long time and used to work with. We don’t get to hang out as often any longer. Use; “Timbo take off the Spider-Man mask!”
- The Fan Club – The N.C.I. posse. A group of friends I only occasionally now see. The Fan Club originated with the vast majority of these individuals having a morbid fascination with Rims McTardipants. Use; “Rims I heard your having The Fan Club over this weekend…”
- Halloween ’09 Dynamic Duos is Saturday. The house is looking fantastic, thanks to my better half, and my costume is starting to come together. I’m not sure of the turnout this year, as I think it’ll be smaller than last year, but I’m anxiously anticipating it anyway. Hopefully we’ll get trick r’ treaters this year in our new home, and hopefully I won’t vomit on them…
- The Chiefs suspended Larry “Woman Beater, Gay Slur Master” Johnson till sometime in November. I guess my question is, if you won’t or can’t trade this waste of humanity why can’t someone just take him out behind Arrowhead and shoot him in the face? The world would be a better place.
Well back at it I suppose….*
* and by back at it I mean daydreaming of a fight between the Legion of Superheroes & the classic Avengers line-up…
“Do you know what I am saying?”