Jaws Vs. Gorgo

Hey kids, I’m bored so you get another blog this week. I’m not even sure why I’m putting that down, seeing as it seems as of late that no one reads this stuff anyways. * Cough cough comments cough cough *

It’s not as if I need the ego boost of people paying any attention to me, because as anyone who knows me knows that I pay so much attention to myself that I’m a one man fan club, not to be confused with The Fan Club. I just have a healthy sense of self. Now I do have issues with confidence and a sense of self worth in certain realms; love, success, etc. But overall I know I’m the “sheezy”, you know I’m the “sheezy fo fizzie”, and after five minutes with me I easily convert most strangers to that same state of mind. It’s an inherited trait. My father is a great salesman, so much so that he sold us all on his mental illness being normal for the vast majority our lives. My brother could sell ketchup to tomatoes. He’s like an evil Eddie Haskill. He can peer into your very soul pluck out your hopes and desires and then appease those needs by appearing to be those things. It’s mind-blowing to watch him do this in person; it sucks beyond all belief to have him do it to you. My inheritance in this has been an ability to lead, which is HI-larious when you realize that my favorite things to do is to follow. I don’t generally think of myself as a follower, but MAN do I like to follow a good leader. There is nothing better than following someone who knows where they are going, knows how to get there, and wants nothing more than to take you with them. On the other hand I know I can mold people, situations, messages, and information and then make it palatable to the masses. Even when I recognize you are weak, I know I can find the strength in you, help you find it, and bring it out. If your not to bright I truly believe it’s not you it’s how you’ve been taught. I can teach you. Rarely ever do I look at someone and see an absolute lost cause. I get into fervor over it. It’s strange, and when I’m doing it it’s as if I’m outside myself watching it happen. I’m on autopilot.

I enjoy being on autopilot. In fact I’m autopilot right now. I think I’ve been that way all week. Have you ever felt that way? Like you’re in the car, but not at the wheel? It’s not that I feel out of control or a passenger in my own life like I have in the past, I just feel like currently life has strapped me into the car seat and is making me go with her to the grocery store. I don’t really want to go as Sponge Bob is on, but I’m not really against it since it’s one I’ve already seen, sort of indifferent. Maybe that’s my state of mind currently, indifferent, it’s not that I don’t care; I’m just sort “eh” on everything right now. And you know “eh” is way better than “meh”…

Since I’m so “eh” how about

FIVE UNIVERSAL TRUTHS FOR FRIDAY!

5) There is nothing to fear, but fear itself. LIE! Let’s see there are House Centipedes, big poisonous spiders, zombies, unemployment, your ex, Chris Claremont being allowed to write an in continuity X-Men title, car accidents, Tom Brady becoming a Packer or Raider, crowds, being burned alive like in The Wicker Man, failure, etc. There is plenty to be afraid of; you just can’t be ruled by it. I’m afraid of a lot of things, but I’m not scared of them. None of them stops me in my tracks and fills me with so much dread that I can’t function. Do some of them keep me up at night or give me pause, yes of course they do. Zombies are no joke, but none of them rule my existence.
4) There is no better food on the face of the planet than Pizza. Oh I know what your saying, what about burritos, what about fried chicken, what about hamburgers? No my friends, it’s pizza. Very little is as versatile, as much an open canvas for someone with some culinary creativity to paint upon any and all flavors. It’s not just good pizza either; it’s even average pizza. I’d be all for a bit of Canadian bacon, black & green olives, jalapenos, and some shrimp on a thin crust right now while writing this! Mounds of gooey cheese, or no cheese, for communists like Dave IT DOESN’T MATTER! Pizza is just magic.
3) Rubes on sport’s radio are idiots. I listen to KFAN religiously during work; it helps me pass the time. Today I’ve heard some of the most idiotic NFL takes in some time. Jamar in Brooklyn Park there is NO way in HELL that the Cowboys are going to beat the Vikings. Seriously. The Cowboys are terrible. The reason they’ve looked good at all has been poor competition or catching mediocre teams at bad times, or just getting good teams at home like the aberration that was them beating the Falcons. I think the Giants will right their ship and make the playoffs, and the Eagles will most likely win the division. This leaves the TERRIBLE Cowboys on the outside looking in, as they should be.
2) The Republican Party as I knew it growing up is dead. Let’s be real here I’m from the stock of dyed in the wool die hard Liberals. I’ve always leaned more towards a Liberal social agenda while spending with a responsible fiscally conservative mindset. So I’m a centrist at heart. I’ve had dalliances or fascinations with Republican politicians. Hell before he began cow towing to the radical right I dug John McCain the most. What we’ve seen though is the moving away from any type of central populist viewpoint into some radical crap here. When Bachman, Palin, and their ilk are the centerpieces of your “movement” I’m afraid. When guys like Rush Limbaugh & that babbling idiot Glenn Beck speak for you and the ‘people’ I’m terrified. What happened to rational thinking? There seems to be a movement in America towards stupidity, to idolatry, and to complete lack of independent thought. The Republican Party has given a lot to America, for good and ill, but right now they are giving us nothing. They are the party of “no” because of vindictive political agendas. They don’t care about you, or me, UNLESS you make over $200,000 a year and are donating to the effort. I want a two party system, one that works for the people not just for themselves, but more than anything I want that dissenting voice of reason that has a direction, a positive voice, and a counter idea to what is out there now. Currently that party is dead.
1) Venture Brothers remains the best show on T.V. I’m sorry. I know, I know it’s a cartoon, but it’s still better than anything else out there. It’s smart, funny, at times heart warming, and touches me where I want to be touched on a weekly basis. Sure there are shows like; It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, South Park, Community, The Soup, The Daily Show, Iron Chef, Attack Of The Show, Real Time With Bill Maher, etc. It’s just that none of them even get close to the high water mark that the team of Doc Hammer & Jackson Publick have set. SO I invite you, NAY CHALLENGE, you to give it a go and try not to be struck by it’s AWE-someness.

How about a sloppin’ spoonful of Friday

RANDOM CRAP!

- I’m rebasing and repainting a Heroclix Green Scar piece (Think a Roman Gladiator version of The Hulk) for D&D. He’s going to be my Half-Giant ‘war machine’ for the Romanesque setting the gaming group is going to be heading towards. I’ve always dug Rome, the idea of it, the history of it, but most of all those nifty uniforms. So ‘Hulk’ (even Caucasian Hulk) as a Roman has a very base appeal to me. And before you ask or comment, yes I know I’m a Gigantic Hulk-sized Nerd.
- Right now I’d punch a baby for a 1lbs. Hamburger from Fuddruckers. And no, no I’m not crappin’ on your face.
- Kobolds are awesome. Seriously, I know that they are sort of a throw away 1st level type of D&D monster, but I dig ‘em. In fact that next time I have a D&D group starting at 1st level I’m running them through Paizo’s Crown Of The Kobold King adventure. It’s extremely well done and makes Kobolds a viable threat to low-level fantasy characters.
- If you’re wondering what to get me for Christmas you could build me a board for D&D. Just ask me for a CD with stuff you can build OR you can go to World Works Games (www.worldworksgames.com) download one of their wonderful sets, print, cut, fold, glue, edge, and repeat! It’s cheap money wise, a bit time consuming time wise, but makes an excellent gift for the “crafty” peeps out there looking to get me something. Consider yourself learned.
- Congrats to the KC Raiders for another City League Jr. Football Championship. I may not be there in person, but I’m there in spirit.
- Speaking of which why do coordinators in the NFL let off the gas? If I’m protecting a lead then I’m not going to stop dialing up the blitz. I’m going to come after you even more furiously. In fact I’m going to use it as a way dial up even more exotic blitzes. As for offensively, just because I have a two TD lead does not mean it’s ok to just go three and out over and over again. There is no excuse for mediocrity; a lack of a killer instinct and an inability or unwillingness to be a bold aggressive play caller is unacceptable.
- I’ve already met my Waves of Mercury quota for the week, but there I just mentioned them again so not only have I kept the streak alive, I’ve exceeded expectations. That’s right I’m an overachiever.
- Heroclix’s Hammer Of Thor is coming out soon. The completist in me will most likely grab as much of the pieces as I can on the secondary market on the cheap, but the newfound modder, painter, & D&D madman in me sees fodder. SO much good, good fodder. Since this set is based on Thor, and therefore Asgardians in general there are so many amazing possibilities.

Well I’m off to help some foo’s get there learn on…

“I have never failed to fail…”