Saturday, May 21, 2011

Saturday Night Fever Vs. Lost In Translation

I know you saying it. HOLY CRAP! A Satuday night blog, WTF? Well I've had quiet a few beverages, quiet a few laughs, I'm lonely, I'm desperate for attention, so what better way to occupy my insecurity than to write to the endless void that is the interwebs.
So without further ado...


10) Ant - My broheim. The birthday boy. The walking, talkin' doppelganger of Jason Seagle. Seriously dude, you are Jason Seagle, with better hair. Thank you my man. Thank you for being high and tight like a high school hair cut. Thank you for being quiet when words aren't needed. Thank you for being a brother in Nerdery most excellent. But most of all thank you for being a bad ass Mo-Fo. You are one of the rare folks in the world who I don't feel the intrinsic need to be fake around. We may not be related by blood, but as far as a I'm concerned you are my brother.

9) Cason - You don't even read this shit. BUT let me break it down. Cason and I were pals from kindergarten through now. He's always been a solid dude. Reality is it was almost a Battle Royale of friends and he and I just happened to be the last two standing. Just thrust together by circumstance and a reluctance to ignore one another. Even though your familial problems make me want to punch babies, you are a solid man. I'd give you the shirt off my back if I had one to give and if it fit your skinny ass.

8) J.B. - Sure some of the time I want to crush your windpipe in an orgy of violence that would shock and awe bystanders, but the reality is I don't know many folks who would put up with my insanity when it's at it's peak. Let's face it, beyond the facade, I'm fucking nuts. I have serious mental health issues. And yet you hang around. You still see fit to try and watch my back. You are a solid man my friend, and don't let anyone, myself included tell you different.

7) Dad - Sure you're dead, but maybe your ass is reading this from wherever it is the fuck you're hiding at. To quote Mark Ingram from the NFL Draft, "I miss you dawg..." It's true. I miss you dawg. Shit you were my best pal. We could argue MST3K, politics, books, religion, music, even other mundane shit and it wasn't an exercise in futility. You were my idol, even in all your fucked up glory, you were the walkin', talkin' representation of living with the djinn of madness on your shoulder. Proof positive that one could live and 'win' with crazy. I miss you dawg, I figure if I keep repeatin' it you'll just show up at my door. Even if it was as a Zombie.

6) Joe K. - No person pisses me off as much as you, because you argue the pointless better than any other human being I've ever had the privilege to suffer through. A genius some might say, but I'd rather say your an evil nemesis of Victor Von Doom proportions. The reality is I'm blessed to have a friend who pushes me as hard as you do. Shit, I thought I'd left competition behind, but my friend you push me just based upon you breathing air. Half the time I want to agree with you, half the time I want to grind you into dust beneath my heel. Thank you for never letting me settle for anything, not even sadness.

5) Mighty Mike - Let's get it straight your a freakin' genius. Sure it's a comic genius, but a genius nonetheless. Holy crap it's hailing hard core outside. Maybe a tornado, maybe the rapture, oh well fuck it where was I? Oh yeah, your a righteous dude. My co-conspirator in Movie-A-Thons, RPG's, and just general mayhem. When I look at you I see a version of me that is better than who I was, but how still had the unfortunate luck of falling into the same pitfalls. Sometimes I'm unworthy of your friendship, but recognize that even through my constant picking I'm simply trying to point out the pitfalls I've already sullied myself with. Without you the holy triumvirate is incomplete.

4) Me - I know your saying WTF? BUT, the reality is I'm completely fucked psychologically. If you sat down with me and I realistically break myself down, it's a nightmare. So I need me to keep me in line. Thank you rational part of mind from keeping me from beating the fuck out of those who upset me, from quiting my shitty ass job when I recognize that the bosses are in it for the money and not the peeps. Thank you for not letting me lay in bed all day long the grips of horrible depression even though life has been kicking me in the teeth since for as long as I can remember. Thank you for showing me the world is more than just what's in my field of vision, it's a whole wide spectrum of wonder, beauty, and glory that is mine if I'm just brave enough to reach out to it.

3) Hides - Heidi, you are one of my oldest, and 'bestest' friends. Thank you for never giving up on me. I can be a MONSTROUS prick, but you still seem to find a reason to hang around. Sometimes I think you are the representation of the best of who I could have been at one time. Then I remember that's an insane egotistical representation of reality and I just remember that you're one hell of a friend. Though time and circumstance have changed us both, I love you like a sister and you are one of the most important people in my life. Thank you.

2) Dark Dave - If you had a vagina I'd be deep in your steeze... Seriously, you're my best friend, my comrade in arms, my fellow rager against reality, sanity, and society. You're music, creativity, & energy routinely make life a better place than the alternative. Although we are 'brothers from different mothers' I have to say that you are closer to me than my own flesh and blood. I love you man. In a platonic, not prison movie, way.

1) Cassandra - Are any of you shocked here? I thought not. My wife is my best friend, my co-conspirator, my comrade, my cohort. She keeps me sane in an insane world. I couldn't ask for,nor do I deserve, anyone better than this. A veritable angel in the mortal coil. What would I do without my sounding board, my conscious, my reality? Nothing. I wouldn't be able to function, let alone succeed. You are my angel, my dream, my everything. Words will never be able to do you justice. I just hope that I will always be able to do you justice. I love you sweetie.

See that wasn't to hard. Sure the Rapture could be at any moment, and a storm is RAGING outside, but I couldn't give two pints of monkey piss, I've got frosty beverage, some Eastbound & Down, and piss & vinegar in my blood. Here's to tomorrow whether it comes or not...

As my dear old Dad would say...



  1. I'm gonna take "I'd be deep in your steeze" as a compliment...although I think I'll need some counseling soon.

  2. Hey BJam. Wow 1:20am post? You win. You're a much better blog poster than me. And thanks for the shout out! You're responsible for helping me learn that my inner-nerd qualities are nothing to hide! Thanks Ben!

    I just got home from a 24 hour jog to the Robbinsdale. It was a quick trip, I waved when I passed your exit on 100. The main reason for the trip was to set up a new consignment store for my goods and it went fantastically! They loved the over 90 items I brought and told me to raise my prices! RCK's (rich-city-kids)just like you can now buy my stuffs at the I Like You store (

  3. Hides,
    This is what happens when there is a party upstairs and I'm left to my own devices. I didn't know that there was a competition for 'best blog poster' between us.

    Our inner nerd should be embraced. Being interested in different things, challenging your imagination, and taking joys in the wonder of our childhoods is nothing to be ashamed of.

    Congrats on the business partnership! Hopefully you make tons of fat bank off it.