The Conqueror Worm Vs. Vertigo

* = This one's about hypocrisy kids...









I know what you’re saying, “didn’t you blog yesterday Chubby Funster?” Why yes I did you insensitive bastards, but since I’ve got a slow day today full of what I’ll just refer to as ‘interesting’ smells I decided I needed something to re-focus my attention. Let’s face it I can’t keep my opinions, feelings, or crushing boredom to myself.

So let me attack things in some semblance of an order. The first thing is Blogger dot com, WTF? Why can’t I comment on my own blog? I get comments, most of the time, from folks and I’m sure the main reason any of you comment is to get me to return the proverbial fire across the bow of the Interweb(s). Let’s take THE Blog two blogs back. I know that David was trying to make a very astute and correct observation. The fact that I used a justification statement about my previous statements is very ‘Dylan-esque’ fashion. I thought about defending myself and saying the difference is that I usually don’t try to offend and take joy in the misery of others, oh and I refuse to see rape as a source of amusement, but then I realized it’s bullshit. Well not the rape thing, I don’t find that funny at all. I DO take some joy in the misery of others. In addition I DO try to offend. I try to offend those I arbitrarily feel deserve it. I will sit high on my soapbox on my Mountain Of Judgment scribing deeply into my own Book Of Grudges while talking copious amounts of shit on folks. So David, if you feel that makes the two of us similar, then you sir are correct.

There I said it, and yes it did taste like salt in my mouth…

See the thing is I try to balance that out with other things though, good things. I’m no saint, but I make an attempt to ‘do the right thing’ more often than not. We as human beings are nothing if not judgmental of others. When I blog and put my thoughts, or feelings, emotions, & B.S. out there I leave myself open to criticism, to breakdown, and to judgment. I think what I find most interesting about things like this out of all the crap that I write THESE are the things that people take out of them. Very rarely do I get someone commenting on how it was inspiring to see someone bear their soul about losing a loved one, or how they were glad that someone wrote something that they agreed with, or reviewed a movie that they now want to see, or are Pimping their music or art, or uttering “wow that was a good nerdy idea”. Nope. Instead it’s semantics, which is ironic because I LOVE(s) me some semantic battles.

You know I heap it on myself. I invite this. I have spent the last seven years or so living in absolutes. I’ve said this before and let me say it again, I don’t do subtlety, and I don’t understand it. I can’t live my life in the ‘Gray Areas’, because I then make way to many bad decisions that I then justify. Instead I try to move forward in absolutes. So when I say or write something I do so with conviction. If there are two things I admire about Dylan it is his conviction, even if I hate that conviction, and his willingness. If there are two things, if anything, we do have in common there they are. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. He may not do the same, but his conviction is to go out and do ‘his thing’ regardless of what anyone else thinks. I don’t have to like it to admire it. As for willingness, dude does a weekly podcast that takes some effort. I blog, and believe it or not, it takes some effort. So there are parallels.

I’ve often said that human beings love two things; A) Being right & B) Having the last word. I know I L-O-V-E- them. I love them so much that I have to avoid doing them. I mean c’mon it tastes so sweet to look at someone else and smile that condescending smile while you are able to without a shadow of a doubt tell him or her that they are WRONG! It’s smugly satisfying. That being said if you’re in a back and forth with someone it’s also fantastic to be the one who gets that last barb in. It stings, it festers, and it signifies nothing less than pure victory. If you don’t agree just think about it the next time you’re arguing with someone, or having a ‘debate’. Is it not sweet to be able to prove that you are right? Does it not just leave a Cheshire Cat grin on your face? Just like it’s brilliant to be able to be the one who ENDS a heated moment. The only thing better is when you can combine them both in the “I’m right and that’s that" moment. That’s the penultimate moment of verbal victory. These are the things I work hard to avoid. It’s not because I’m better than anyone else, and it’s not because I’m trying to be a ‘good’ person, it’s because gawds help me I love them too much. They taste OH to sweet.

Being a dick is easy. It’s like being a critic. Critics don’t really contribute anything they don’t create. Instead they sit on the sideline and take thinly veiled potshots about how they would have done it better. That’s almost the epitome of being a dick. Believe me I know, look at how many things I ‘rate’ on this blog alone. Even though I try to be as kind about it as possible, it’s still being a critic. The other thing we as critics do is impose our emotions, our thoughts, our ideas on something that is by definition NOT OURS. We sort of take possession of it through criticism when all we really did was say, “hmmm, that is nice, but if I had even one shred of talent I would have done it THIS way…” Again I try not to do that, but I do. I do it all the time.

See what I’m trying to say is, even though I try to exult the virtues of self-awareness and not forgetting where you come from I still do. I try to be first in line to claim my history of ass-hat behavior as well as my current dickishness. The key phrase is ‘try’. So while I don’t have to like or understand when someone points out my real or imagined hypocrisy I do appreciate it.

And believe it or not I do try and change.

I’m just not very good at it.

RANDOM CRAP!

- Well that went in very strange direction. Before David and I enter into another e-mail fight like 13-year-old girls let me just re-iterate I do agree with you Dave. And I even like the fact that you straight up told me what you wrote before I even read it. It doesn’t mean I like it, and that’s fine I’m not sure I’m supposed to like being a hypocrite in the eyes of one my best friends.
- I need to lay off the candy; it’s just hard, because it’s TASTY!
- The only thing that would turn around the Year Of Sux that is 2011 would be to win the F’Ning lottery on Wed.
- It’s funny to go back and read what you wrote and realize that the vast majority of the time on this blog I’m yapping about tiny plastic men, video game wrestling &/or football, Doctor Who, and Dungeons & Dragons. Sort of puts things in perspective don’t it?
- The Chiefs have won 4 straight! I smell a repeat as AFC West champs!
- I think February will be a BUZZ Trivia Night. With a chaser of the BUZZ Monkey Game. It’s high time that Anthony “He is the Champion, my Friend” J. to defend that belt.
- Do you ever feel like you are without direction in life? I don’t mean in like a work sense or even in a relationship sense. I just mean generally adrift. This entire year I have felt like I can’t quiet get a handle on what I’m supposed to do or even at times who I’m supposed to be. It’s even more frustrating to be happy, and I am, but to be unhappy about it. I feel guilty about being content in my life. Now don’t get me wrong there are plenty of things I’m unhappy about; Bendis on any Avengers title, the current political climate, how I’m compensated by my employers, having dry skin, etc. However generally I can’t complain as I love and am loved, I can feed my ‘family’, I have friends who I love like family, family who I’m learning to like, and a roof over my head. There is just this black cloud of regret that I can’t seem to shake. My dad once said that we would have made “Great Jews, because we wear our guilt so prominently and proudly”. I do. Sometimes I allow it to define me. I try not to, but man is it comfortable. The thing is when I feel this way everything becomes bitter. All the things I enjoy become a burden. Food doesn’t taste as good, the music I listen to just becomes a distracting cacophony of noise, and even the presence of those I love becomes mere tolerance. I’m going to wear out this shroud, and as of January 1st, 2012 it goes away.
- Why does anyone care about Kim Kardashian? I mean besides her butt & a sex tape? If anything that idiot schlub she’s divorcing should hawk his own tape, the one where he got F*&#ed by Kim, it’s called his Wedding Video. This is just a perfect example of why I hate ‘Merica. The celebrity worship culture that puts what amounts to a rich whore on a pedestal and then is shocked and in some circles sympathized with when she ends her nuptials after like three months. See I think what really pisses me off here is that this talentless bimbo is celebrated and yet gays can’t get married because they threaten the ‘sanctity of marriage’. So two people, regardless of gender can love each other and be in a lifelong monogamous relationship, but can’t have it legally recognized, but this celebrity prostitute can use a marriage as a cash cow and it’s ok? Explain that to me. She is the perfect example of this disposable culture, and just why the rest of the world hates us.
- Speaking of my favorite ‘gays’, Mary & Christina brought Mason over last night for Trick Or Treating. He was a dragon & it was quiet possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever witnessed. Its moments like this that bring the ‘baby fever’ up to a roiling boil.
- I really should get the lawn cleaned up tonight, even though I have no desire to do so.

AND with that I’ll leave you, coda-less no less…

“You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
You may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
You may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

And you may ask yourself, "How do I work this?"
And you may ask yourself, "Where is that large automobile?"
And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful house"
And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful wife"

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was

Water dissolving and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Under the water, carry the water
Remove the water from the bottom of the ocean
Water dissolving and water removing

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, into the silent water
Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Leting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

You may ask yourself, "What is that beautiful house?"
You may ask yourself, "Where does that highway go to?"
You may ask yourself, "Am I right, am I wrong?"
You may say to yourself, "My God! What have I done?"

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, into the silent water
Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, look where my hand was

Time isn't holding up, time isn't after us
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, hey let's all twist our thumbs
Here comes the twister

Letting the days go by
Letting the days go by
Once in a lifetime
Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by”


* = I smell a winner...