Hercules Unchained Vs. Rio Bravo

Just to warn you this one will mainly be a ‘Travel Log’ from our ‘vacation’ to Kansas, SO if you don’t care about the trip than feel free to go read something else, or look at porn since that’s what the internet appears to be for…

Well we’ve returned from the sweltering hell that is Kansas. I kid, I kid. It wasn’t hell, but it was pretty hot. Not that dry heat either, it was muggy as all get out. There was so much rain on our sojourn south I was shocked when we reached Iola and found that it was brutally dry. It’s always strange to go down there and get the shell shock of heat when compared to what we ‘endure’ up here during the summers. The fact is we dodged the nastier portion of the summer that will be the next three months in Kansas, just like they dodge the depths of the winter that we deal with yearly. It’s a tradeoff and I for one will take the cold every time.

Now that I’ve effectively beat the weather from our trip into the ground I’m sure those that read this drivel want to know how the trip was. It was a trip. Once we survived the weather and that distance we arrived in Lawrence only to find out that a girl I had grown up with had O.D.’ed. We stayed in Lawrence with my sister’s, in her PIMP ASS house. Seriously, Sarah’s house is pretty damn cool. It’s TARDIS like in the fact that it looks small on the outside and is cavernous on the inside. While we were there she took us out for dinner, or more aptly put bought us dinner from out, from The Basil Leaf Café (**** out of 5).

It’s funny that a place with such a nice subtle name is located in a gas station. My brother LOVES to bring that up to annoy my sister, that and a comment that I think my mom made about the food being ‘overly rich’. Let me just say that yeah it’s in a gas station, and yes the food is rich, BUT DAMN it is good. Cassandra split a Chicken Parmesan sandwich with a side of Macaroni and Cheese, and some Cajun Penne. The sandwich was outstanding, I mean really incredible. The Mac’N’Cheese was good, but was a bit to plain for me; it needed something to bring a burst of heat or differing flavor. As for the Cajun Penne, it was sort of an interesting mix of jambalaya and pasta. Cassandra didn’t care much for the chicken, and I wasn’t a fan of the Andouille sausage in it. That being said I thought it was a DAMN fine dish though. The food was a bit heavy, and I certainly was full and sleepy after eating, but I’d eat there again in a heartbeat. Here’s what Cassandra thought; ‘My initial expectations of an Italian cuisine restaurant located in a gas station were pretty low, but I have to say that all the food was pretty decent and a couple of the items were outstanding. Ben and I pooled our choices together, so we could try more things, and ended up with a chicken parmesan sandwich, a side of macaroni & cheese and a jambalaya like pasta with peppers, onions, chicken and chorizo. For dessert, Sarah was kind enough to share a piece of pina colada cheesecake – it was okay. My favorite item was definitely the sandwich. The chicken was pounded thin and crusted with cheese and bread crumbs. It was crunchy on the outside and tender on the inside and really delicious. The mac & cheese was okay as it could have used some spices and the jambalaya pasta was great, except for the chewy chicken. If we are ever in Lawrence, KS again I would definitely eat here again and order the chicken parmesan sandwich again with something new to try on the side. 3 ½ stars out of 5.’

That night we were prepared to ‘craft’ with my sister after her and my cousin ‘Muntha drug us around Lawrence, first to see the sights, which was cool, secondly to aimlessly shop, which was not. However upon arriving back at her gigantic abode she was preoccupied with texting regarding the death of the girl we’d both known and then with an important work issue. I do have to point out though that I had a great time just listening to my sister relay all the madness of Iola. Who is cheating on who, who is getting divorced, who is always in trouble with the law, who is on meth, etc. It’s like a cavalcade of failure. I’m amazed, saddened, and surprised every time she gives me the low down. In fact it’s always strangely comforting. You see there is a part of me that has always and most always will always feel like a failure, like I didn’t live up to expectations, so to hear that others have done worse than I is strangely comforting. I guess it’s not enough that I succeed, others have to fail. It’s not something I’m proud of, in fact I’m not at all, but I’m also not going to run from admitting it. I’ve never hidden that deep down I’m not that great a person. The thing is I know it, admit it, and I actively try to change it. Anyways, the other thing I realized was damn that long ass drive kills me. Being crammed in a car for like 8 hours makes my hips, back, and knees hurt. After all that we elected to turn in relatively early, which was good because I was exhausted mentally & physically.

The weather we had experienced in Minnesota and upper Iowa somehow followed us to Lawrence and we snoozed through some massive weather. It did take the edge of the humidity; however it was just a short respite. Friday morning we took off for Iola. There was a nice trip to gas up with my sister, where we had a nice short chat, then a brief stop at Sonic for some breakfast and some orange juice, and then we were off for I-Town. The funny thing is the rain followed us, and in spots followed us with a vengeance. I actually thought we might hit Iola with a cooling shower on our heels; HOWEVER I was mistaken, as the rain literally died off just as we left G-Town, Garnett for those that don’t know. On a side note, it’s slightly odd to realize just how much this down turn in the economy has killed towns like Iola, Fort Scott, & Garnett. They look a lot rougher than I remember; maybe it’s not all about the economy. Perhaps it’s the fact that most people leave and find employment elsewhere, oh and all the meth. The area of Kansas I grew up in is a meth stronghold. When driving through it there is a bit of ‘through the looking glass darkly’ that I encounter. All the sheen and brightness of memory and childhood are gone, and instead it’s been replaced by dirt, grime, and a sense of decay.

As my sister waves, the foreground is the FACE and HAIR of I-Town. Shudder my friends, shudder...

Wow, that was depressing. I don’t want you to think that the entire trip was like that, it wasn’t, and it’s just my observation anyway. But I digress; we finally arrived at my mom’s house in I-Town which is looking really good. My Mom, my Brother, and my Uncle Mike are re-modeling the house. If I’m being honest, it needs a LOT of work. It’s an old house; it fell into some serious disrepair towards the end of my parents’ marriage. They’ve knocked out a lot of the downstairs and it looks amazing. They only have the kitchen and the bathroom left downstairs. Then I’m sure they’ll tackle the front porch and the back screened in porch. After that is the unenviable task of the upstairs. It’ll be a lot of work, and some serious cash, but I know when they are done it will look amazing. I wasn’t there to long as we almost immediately headed over to my brother’s house to go through the ill-gotten gains of the now infamous ‘Tool Lottery’ my Grandpa Bud held. You see my mom’s dad is getting up there in years. He’s an old dude. Usually he and I don’t see to eye on anything, in fact I’d love to say we’ve had a love/hate relationship, but I think it’s been more like hate/hate. That has changed in the last few years as he’s been pretty decent to me. So decent that he allowed my brother Sean to pick tools for me during this ‘Tool Lottery’. The way I was told the story, was that Bud decided that his grandkids should get his stuff, of which he had a ton, so they could all work on their own homes, like he had his. This sounded like an amazingly magnanimous plan. That was until my Aunt Susan, whom Bud lives in the same home with intervened. I love my Aunt Susan, she’s funny, smart, engaging, and is always friendly. On the flip side she also is shrewd, stingy, and for some reason has a bit of a sense of entitlement to things. So whereas this originally was going to be a ‘Tool Lottery’ with all my grandpa’s tools it instead it became a ‘Tool Lottery’ with all the tools Susan deemed that we should have access to. That means she kept like two of all the good stuff and gave us the scraps to fight over. I’m not really irritated or surprised by it, in fact in reality I think it’s pretty damn funny, but I was slightly put off by the way she handled it. Anyways, Sean had picked for the both of us and then he and I went through that. He did a really great job of getting us what he thought we should have. So in the blistering heat he and I loaded up a tub and mashed it into the back of the Escape. At the same time he allowed Cassandra and I to take some of the old door knobs and lock covers that my dad had hoarded away. These are old, I mean like a 100 years old, and with a little work they could look amazing. The plan is to turn some of them into book ends, like my father had done, and a few into wall hangings like my sister-in-law Kelci has done. It was hot, dirty, and tiring work, but it was a blast.

This wasn’t just due to the fact that my brother can be extremely funny and generous when he so chooses, but because it was maybe the first time that my nephew Luke and I have ‘bonded’. I’ve barely been around my nephew. We live far away, we live separate lives, and miles, money, and time prevent us from being as involved as we’d like. The first couple times we’ve been around him he’s wanted very little to NOTHING to do with me, I get it, I really do. I’m enormous. My brother is about 6ft 5in; I’m just as tall and at least twice as wide.

Luke was bashful around my dad because of his size, and I’m much larger than he was. So it meant more than I can express that my soon to be 5 year old Nephew finally clicked with me. Perhaps it’s because we talk on the phone about once a week, or maybe it’s that we both LOVE superheroes or maybe it’s because he finally gets the teasing I give him, but we sort of clicked this time and it was fantastic. Luke, my brother, and I haggled over tools, we got a tour of my brother’s massive garden, and then of Luke’s much smaller garden, we played LEGO’s together building a flying truck, and we even discussed how awesome M.O.D.O.K. is. It was amazing. In the end it was just too damn hot to go over to my grandma’s and start going through stuff in the garage so we called it a day and started to get ready for our trip to Fried Chicken Nirvana.

That evening we made our way to Gebhardt’s Chicken Dinner (Infinite *’s out of 5) in Mullberry, Kansas.

It was a long drive, where we were frequently unsure we’d ever make it. There was a bridge out, the air conditioner in the vehicle wasn’t working that great, and my Nephew was grumpy. However it was also a hilarious romp. My family was in rare form, joking, singing, teasing, and even dancing in the vehicle. It was wild, and then, and then when it seemed as if we’d never reach our destination we finally arrived. Let me explain that Gebhardt’s isn’t really a restaurant; it’s more of an old Mining House that now serves Fried Chicken, no check that, The BEST Fried Chicken. It’s out in the middle of nowhere, it’s not much to look at, and it’s got a country vibe that boarders on scary. That being said the food is beyond good. It’s outstanding. The staff are friendly, fast, and never without a funny comment. Last, but not least it’s cheap, like INSANELY cheap. We started with an appetizer platter that had onion strings, mozzarella sticks, and fried Mushrooms. The mozzarella sticks were decent, the onion strings were pretty damn good, but the deep fried Mushrooms were mind blowing. I dislike Mushrooms usually, especially when they aren’t really fresh, but these I could eat every day. They were just robust and beefy in flavor. Just when I felt like I couldn’t wait anymore the Main Event came to our plate. Five mammoth Chicken Breasts and two sides, we chose home cut fries and German Potato Salad. I let my chicken cool a bit while I destroyed the Potato Salad, which was bright in flavor with the vinegar and incredibly flavorful, I’d have to say it’s the best German Potato Salad I’ve ever had. Then I attacked the chicken with vigor. I’m not sure how to describe the flavor or the crunchy breading or the succulent juicy bites I devoured. It was simply the best. I ate my fill and then some, including pillaging my sister’s plate for left overs dipping her chicken strips in a delightfully filling white pepper gravy. And here is what my lovely wife thought; ‘For years I had been told about the delicious chicken at this little, out of the way restaurant in Pittsburg, KS but this was my first time actually eating there. The good news is that the fried chicken definitely lived up to my expectations; the bad news is that this place is not located in Brooklyn Center!! Words can barely do justice describing the great flavor, crispy skin and juicy chicken that I consumed there. The French fries were okay, the mozzarella sticks were from a bag, the onion strings were fantastic but it all pales in comparison to the fried chicken. This place is worth the road trip if anyone is interested in some amazing fried chicken! I hope I get to go back there some day! 4 ½ stars out of 5.’

This trip was something that my dad had promised my wife for a long time. I’d like to think that although it took us some time that promise is now fulfilled. On the drive home there was more craziness as my brother and his son did a back to back air guitar solo to the Allman Brothers, we toured Fort Scott, which reminded me of a land locked Innsmouth. It’s as if that town is falling in on itself in some sort of rot. It was really pretty, but extremely sad. At the end of it all we headed back to my Mom’s house and relaxed in a post-chicken stupor. As I sat there reading I somehow was blessed with the presence of my Mom’s cat Turdell, aka Turd, aka Mr. T. You have to understand that Turdell was a baby cat outcast to die in the wilds of my neighborhood who was taken in first by brother in a drunken feeding stupor, then by my dad, and finally by my mother. He’s somewhere between affectionate and feral. In my only other close encounter with Turdell I petted him twice and he tried to bite me. So to say that I’m leary of Mr. T is an understatement. I made an attempt early in the night to pet him, and he got jumpy so I did too. Eventually though as I ignored him Turd made his way closer, and closer, and closer before finally just taking up my copious stomach girth as a resting place. We have pictures; it’s weird and cute simultaneously. Anywho, my mom and sister went to pay their respects and condolences to old family friends regarding the untimely death of their daughter. It brought a bit of a somber mood to what I thought was going to be the end of the night. I was wrong, OH so wrong…

Apparently, I fell asleep with Turdell in my crotch, because at about 1:30am I was awoken by a young lady I grew up with jumping on top of me. Turdell was not amused. Come to think of it neither was I, but you’d never know as I allegedly blurted out, “I have a cat in my crotch, and it’s not mine, I’m sorry…” So I was slowly awakened by a gal I grew up with in an obvious drunken stupor who was SO surprised & SO happy to see me. It was really weird to be groped repeatedly by someone who you only remember as a little girl. It’s even more so when you are woken out of a dead sleep, with a cat in your crotch, while wearing the clothes you sleep in, all the while less than two feet from your now waking wife. Don’t get me wrong I don’t think there was anything remotely sexual about it, but it was VERY uncomfortable, especially the touching and the laying on me. This was someone who is a longtime family friend, I’m still friends with her brother for gawd’s sake, and she was drunk and grief stricken, and if she had laid on me any longer I think Cassandra would have knocked her the fuck out, so I just rolled with it. It was beyond surreal. So after a thirty minute ‘conversation’ she and my sister finally left and I attempted to go back to sleep, which was interrupted by my sister a few hours later upon her arrival home. She wanted to get me a fan to help me sleep, which I appreciate, HOWEVER when I’m asleep, finally blissfully asleep, please leave me alone. PLEASE! So I really didn’t sleep Friday night, maybe like two hours, and that’s it. Two hours on a twin sized blow up mattress on the floor of the house I grew up in. Strange days my friends, strange days indeed.

I was up early, big shock there, on Saturday. I got up and around, chatted with my mom and jetted off to my grandma’s house to meet my brother. He was a bit pre-occupied smoking a turkey, so I spent an hour or so just chatting with my grandma. Eventually Luke and my brother showed up and we again launched into going through tools and more of my dad’s stuff. I made some piles of stuff to clean, and continued to just marvel at the amount of stuff that my father had accumulated. Eventually Sean & Luke had to run, it was going to be a busy day after all, I sat outside with my Grandma and cleaned things before loading them into the Mighty ‘Steve McQueen’. It was a great morning of sitting down and just spending time with the third most influential woman in my life. My grandma is pretty incredible. I do have to say that it’s difficult to go to her house now knowing that it’s where my father and grandfather both died essentially. Not to mention my Grandma has this way of simultaneously talking about my dad in a way that makes me laugh and breaks my heart. She doesn’t mean to do it, but that wound is still raw, and she casually rips it off in an attempt to make me feel better. The thing is I do afterwards, but I take no joy in openly weeping the loss of one of my best friends. I’m in that spot now where every time I spend time with my Grandma I’m acutely aware that there isn’t a whole lot of time there left. It’s a harsh dose of mortality, especially for someone like me that lives a lot of their life with their head in the clouds.

Eventually I headed home to get cleaned up before the Birthday party. My brother finished up the smoked turkey and my mom put out a kick ass spread of grub that was as diverse as it was delicious. We ate, we laughed, and I watched my nephew getting hyped up for the party that was just a scant hour away.

We drove over to my brother’s house for the party and I expected it to be fun, but low key as I was told it was just a get together for cake and ice cream. Well if that is my brother’s idea of a low key gathering I’d hate to see his parties. As we pulled up my nephew came screaming down the block yelling that his ‘Grandma Nancy’ and his ‘Uncle Ben’ were there. I have to say that out of everything that happened over the course of this trip that meant as much to me as anything. You have to understand that Sean & Maddy are my niece and nephew, and I’ve been there with them since day one and I always will be. Luke is blood. There is the simple difference. To finally get his acceptance means more than I can ever explain in simple words. Anyways, it was a super hero themed party in the front yard, which is packed with COOL stuff as my sister-in-law Kelci runs a kick ass day care full of concentrated WIN! She made capes and masks for the kids who then roared around with reckless carefree abandon. It was fantastic. I even had the chance to see some relatives, including my Grandpa Bud, that I hadn’t seen in a while.

Before I go further I just want to take a moment to sort of point something out. I have an Uncle Mike who is teased by my siblings, and who I have in the past treated with casual derision at best. He’s a quiet guy, who used to eat with his parents all the time, he married late in life to an unusual older woman, and like most of my mother’s family we just did not ‘click’. I have to say as I’ve gotten older and learned to appreciate things a bit more I admire my Uncle Mike. He is a guy who helps almost everyone he meets. He mows the lawns of old folks, he spends time with his family, he helps anyone who asks, & he will pleasantly chat with anyone who has the time. And by chat I mean he’ll listen to them, REALLY listen, and care about what they say. The guy is a saint, and I never knew it. It’s a shame that sometimes we can’t see past our own bullshit until opportunity has passed us by. I just wanted to get that off my chest.

So eventually we got to the all-important present opening. I felt pretty solid about our gifts; three Super Hero LEGO sets, a set of Super Hero pajama’s, a Spider-Man t-shirt, and some books.

I mean c’mon who, WHO, can top Batman in LEGO form? You can imagine my surprise when Luke got kick ass gift after kick ass gift. I was even ‘out-LEGOed’ by my Uncle Mike and his wife Barb (aka Shroom or BiFF). They managed to find him a gigantic Harry Potter LEGO set on the cheap. That kid is going to have SO much fun making that castle.

I think my Mom beat everyone with her gift of a telescope, which brought one of my favorite lines of the entire trip ‘Grandma Nancy is this a REAL telescope?”, and the Iron Man mask that my nephew so desperately wanted. Although my sister’s gift of Thor’s hammer would be a close second as Luke went crazy running around bringing down the Thunder & Lightening on his friends, relatives, and cats. In fact his Super Hero toys were so amazing he didn’t even really understand how cool the bike my brother and his wife got him. It was so much fun to watch him rip into his gifts, get hugs from his ‘girlfriend’ Brieley, taunt his friend Titus, and then run around like a mad man battling invisible enemies. We of course taped this, because it was hilarious, and because I don’t want to lose these memories ever. Later after the clean-up and the good byes we hung out for a bit, expressed our admiration and awe at Kelci’s party planning skills, and watched her read to my nephew. I was a tad jealous as he had a sleep over with my sister, but at that point I was too exhausted to stay up much longer anyway. We made it back to my mom’s and this time I actually slept without molestation. Sunday was bitter sweet as we had a great brunch with the family, I got to spend some time with my buddy Fireman Ryan, and said goodbye to my Grandma. It’s strange to leave. You feel like you just get comfortable around these people and then you leave. I think that’s the story of my life. With very few exceptions I tend to be unable to keep relationships long term, I get comfortable with people and then they go away, I move away, or I push them away. Maybe I’m just someone who loves the crowd but hates the people in it. Perhaps that’s why I cling so hard to the folks who I choose to be around. It would explain the desperation for acceptance that I have. These are people who I should know, but whenever we leave it dawns on me just how little I really do. I’m just a tourist in their world, just as they are in mine. There is nothing wrong with it, it’s just reality, however in a way it cuts my to the very core of my being and it cuts in a way that will never heal. I’ll always be a ‘stranger at home’. I chose that. Seeing them all reminds me how much I love them, how much I miss them, and how much I am a stranger in a strange land within the confines of my own family. My father was my port of call in my family, and that port is gone. Instead I have to try and be better than I was, better than who I am, and be the best I can to them, for them, but more importantly for us as a family. I like to think I’m up to that challenge, but only time will tell.

The drive home was slow and relatively uneventful until we arrived home. We got home just in time to get SLAMMED by some nasty weather. It was as if we never left. I want to quickly say THANKS to Dave for taking care of not only our plants and mail, but for just being around to make us feel ‘ok’ about leaving our house for that long, you sir are awesome.

I think I’ll wrap this up with some…

RANDOM CRAP!

- It was another week so had another Rise Of The Runelords preview!

First up is The Scribbler, one of the main antagonists in the Adventure Path. I’m not sure if this mini is an Uncommon or a Rare, but it would be a solid pick up if I can get it on the cheap. I like the look of the mini as the mask is pretty neat, he’s got skulls on his outfit and really that is just cool, and his pose is menacing. I especially like the big, nasty sword on his back. All that being said, where are his eyes? I’m hoping that this is simply a picture issue and not a paint ‘issue’. Thus far I’ve been reasonably impressed with Wizkids attention to detail and quality of production, especially on Uncommon and Rare quality minis, it would be a shame for that to drop now. My only other beef, and again it just might be a picture issue, but DAMN that guy has a big ass hand. It’s as big as his head. I’m hoping that it’s simply a bad photo angle giving me that impression.

The other mini this week is the AMAZING looking Athroxis, who I’m going to guess IS a Rare. The red magic effect around this Rage filled Warrior look fantastic. The pose is fluid, dynamic, and yet not over the top. The red and black outfit off sets the white hair spectacularly. This would be a PERFECT PC mini or even a perfect Big Baddie piece. This is one of those weird cases where as long as this piece isn’t ridiculously expensive I will be purchasing it. It’s just that damn cool looking. Overall, it’s another nice set of previews and with only a few left and still a two month wait I’m really intrigued to see what Paizo and Wizkids have up their collective sleeves.

- If it doesn’t rain this Saturday night I’m having a fire.

- It’s amazing how spending almost 24 hours in a car over a short period, sleeping on twin sized blow up beds, and having a crappy chair at the place that pays you makes you feel physically miserable.

- My brother is doing this thing now where he rubs his belly lovingly like a pregnant woman. It’s really strange, but hilarious to watch. What’s funny is it’s infectious. It makes you want to rub your spare tire lovingly while you idly stand around. He’s a trend setter that way I guess.

- The Enlighten Blocks (Korean LEGO knock off) Train Sets we got in the mail are F’ing Awesome! Man I love LEGO’s.

- I took James Ward & Jane Hong’s Pool Of Radiance (*** out of 5)

D&D novel along on my trip and finished it Monday. I picked this one up for a dollar at Half-Priced Book, and I got more than my money’s worth. I love these little ‘throw away’ fantasy novels. They don’t pretend to be high literature, they aren’t pulp, and yet they are fun. This one was the brisk tale of a wizard apprentice turned cheesecake wizard supreme teaming with a love struck cleric, and a thief going back to his ranger roots while seeking vengeance. The thing is this read like a D&D campaign, it read as if was written from session reports, and I loved every page of it. If you’re looking for something of a fun palate cleanser reading wise, look no further.

- Hey Ant, I have tools now! Let’s build something!

- I have a lot of stuff to start wire brushing and just as much stuff to rub with Brass-O now. If the weather is nice and cool this weekend, I might just spend some time on the stoop doing just that. After I vacuum the basement and weed eat of course. I think those quick clamps will come in mega-handy and I can’t wait to see what that old brass pot and door pieces come out looking like.

- Mowing sucks when you’re already tired.

Wow, this was a really long blog. I applaud those of you who stuck it out.

Comin' out of nowhere

Drivin' like rain

Stormbringer dance

On the thunder again

Dark cloud gathering

Breaking the day

No point running

'Cause it's coming your way



Ride the rainbow

Crack the sky

Stormbringer coming

Time to die

Got to keep running

Stormbringer coming

He's got nothing you need

He's gonna make you bleed



Rainbow shaker

On a stallion twister

Bareback rider

On the eye of the sky

Stormbringer coming down

Meaning to stay

Thunder and lightning

Heading your way



Ride the rainbow

Crack the sky

Stormbringer coming

Time to die

Got to keep running

Stormbringer coming

He's got nothing you need

He's gonna make you bleed



Coming out of nowhere

Drivin' like a-rain

Stormbringer dance

On the thunder again

Dark cloud gathering

Breaking the day

No point running

'Cause it's coming your way

* = Luke is Iron Man...& Batman...& Thor...& whoever the hell he wants to be. Being 5 is friggin' AWESOME!